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Creative Writing Share your creative literacy with us!

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Old 12-13-2008   #1
Shield.Me
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Unhappy Losing me to me

A walts with Isolation; My turn!
Internally SO cold I can burn

With a single movement

I feel you slipping past me
But you wont! WONT LET ME BE FREE!

My sanity needs Improvement

Stability ripping at my head!
Living by fake smiles instead

A temporary success

The world has yet another with a tortured mind
Closing in? ...CRAP! Numbing me blind!

Now look at me! Must I confess?

Looking upon this tragedy, who must I be?

For, the one at fault for my insanity IS me!

Last edited by Shield.Me; 12-13-2008 at 03:02 PM..
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Old 12-13-2008   #2
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Too many dots. :/ Don't use them like that. :/

Could i steal a line from that for a song for my band? :D
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Old 12-13-2008   #3
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It's a good read. I agree with fejknick though.
Don't use the dots like that, it's a bit distracting.
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Old 12-13-2008   #4
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Thanks you guys =] .. this is the second time you both reply to my poems =] thanks for being supportive. =] and I fixed the dot problem <3
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Old 12-13-2008   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fejknick View Post
Too many dots. :/ Don't use them like that. :/

Could i steal a line from that for a song for my band? :D
and um sure? lol. so, what line is it?
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Old 12-16-2008   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fejknick View Post
Too many dots. :/ Don't use them like that. :/

Could i steal a line from that for a song for my band? :D
wat dots? i dun see any dots ?????
anyway FANTASTIC JOB !
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Old 12-16-2008   #7
fejknick
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shield.Me View Post
and um sure? lol. so, what line is it?
She fixed the dots if you read the entire thread. ;)
An the lines i want is:

The world has yet another with a tortured mind
Closing in? ...CRAP! Numbing me blind!
Now look at me! Must I confess?
Looking upon this tragedy, who must I be?
For, the one at fault for my insanity IS me!

Will work awesome for screams.
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