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11-18-2008
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#1 | ||||||||
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Banned Homo
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my friend the juan and only wrote this
A breeze of coldness upon my face
delightful it is to feel such embrace fog in the sky producing an icy storm so is my heart missing you more and more |
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11-18-2008
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#2 | ||||||||
 Administrator
Location: Michigan
Age: 24
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An interesting concept, but not really played out to its full potential. No consistent rhyme scheme, no balance of repetition or syllable count, or anything...this could be the start of a poem, yeah, because it doesn't really seem finished. And the "so is" connection the fourth line doesn't really make much sense. Also, all the lines after the first one are really wordy, at least when you compare it to the nice, crisp first line.
I don't mean to be a grumpy old stick in the mud, but this needs to be worked on more. Like I said...good concept, just not played out very well.
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 22 medium-jumbo frets, 3 mini humbuckers, 2 single-coil pickups, and 6 steel strings of pure sex.
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11-18-2008
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#3 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Location: Las Noches.
Age: 23
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Yeah, it does seem unfinished. Good shot though.
(I lol'd a bit at Juan and only.) |
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