need some help here

[atomsk]

Here let me make this legible.
Ok I'm working on this. It still needs a title though here is a basic synopsis.

(Character unknown), herein "X", has suffered through the Bakumatsu and is haunted by his recollection of the bloodshed. He was a Hitoriki in the Ishin-shishi and assassinated many other samurai. His elder brother (name is in development)b ,herein "Y", was in the Shinsengumi, the opposing force of the Ishin-shishi. He has come to hunt him down due to the fact that "X" killed his best friend. The plot consists of three parts, the first of which tells the story of "X" during and after the Bakumatsu. The second part tells of "Y" during and after the same time in the Bakumatsu. They eventually cross paths and fight to the death in the final part.

i need
a title and names for the characters
something negative
something positive
reference points for the bakumatsu, samurai, swordsmanship, and all that stuff

This is a draft of the synopsis so please give me some input.

[soulten]

Originally Posted by atomsk

ok im working on this it still needs a title tho here is a basic sypnosis

(character unknown) herein "x" has sufered through the bakumatsu and is haunted by his recolection of the bloodshed. he was a hitoriki in the ishin shishi and assaniated many other samurai. his elder brother (name in development herein "y") was in the shinsengumi, the opposing force of the ishin shishi. and has come to hunt him down due to the fact that x killed his best friend. the plot consists of three parts the first of which tells the story of x during and after the bakumatsu and the second part tells of y during and after the same bakumatsu. eventually they cross paths and fight to the death in the third part.

heres how i shall grade you
+20 points for a title and names for the characters
+10 points for something negative
+2 points for something positive
+50 points for some reference points for the bakumatsu, samurai, swordsmanship, and all that stuff

this is a draft of the sypnosis so please give me some input
also the one with the most points gets to read the first draft

Here let me make this legible.
Ok I'm working on this. It still needs a title though here is a basic synopsis.

(Character unknown) Hero "X" has suffered through the Bakumatsu and is haunted by his recollection of the bloodshed. He was a Hitoriki in the Ishin-shishi and assassinated many other samurai. His elder brother (name is in development here in "Y") was in the Shinsengumi, the opposing force of the Ishin-shishi. He has come to hunt him down due to the fact that "X" killed his best friend. The plot consists of three parts, the first of which tells the story of "X" during and after the Bakumatsu. The second part tells of "Y" during and after the same time in the Bakumatsu. They eventually cross paths and fight to the death in the final part.

Here's how I shall grade you:
+20 points for a title and names for the characters
+10 points for something negative
+2 points for something positive
+50 points for some reference points for the bakumatsu, samurai, swordsmanship, and all that stuff

This is a draft of the synopsis so please give me some input.
Also the one with the most points gets to read the first draft.

With this many errors I feel sorry for whoever reads the first draft. But I just wanted to say I'm guessing you got your idea from Rurouni Kenshin. Second make sure to properly study the Bakumatsu.

[atomsk]

With this many errors I feel sorry for whoever reads the first draft. But I just wanted to say I'm guessing you got your idea from Rurouni Kenshin. Second make sure to properly study the Bakumatsu.

i am trying my hardest and yes it was inspired by everyone's favorite samurai
now lets fix up this sentence for soul
SOUL'S VERSION:
I am devoting substantial amounts of concentration to the study of the Bakumatsu period. and this concept was indeed inspired by the plot of Rurouni Kenshin.

total points 0

Here let me make this legible.
Ok I'm working on this. It still needs a title though here is a basic synopsis.

(Character unknown) herein "X" has suffered through the Bakumatsu and is haunted by his recollection of the bloodshed. He was a Hitoriki in the Ishin-shishi and assassinated many other samurai. His elder brother (name is in development herein "Y") was in the Shinsengumi, the opposing force of the Ishin-shishi. He has come to hunt him down due to the fact that "X" killed his best friend. The plot consists of three parts, the first of which tells the story of "X" during and after the Bakumatsu. The second part tells of "Y" during and after the same time in the Bakumatsu. They eventually cross paths and fight to the death in the final part.

[soulten]

I am devoting substantial amounts of concentration to the study of the Bakumatsu period. and this concept was indeed inspired by the plot of Rurouni Kenshin.

Let me give you some tips, never start a sentence with "and". Second the shift key's purpose is to help capitalize letters for the beginning of sentences. Either I'm reading the definition wrong but I keep thinking you're using "herein" improperly. But being as english is what I am bad at, I may be wrong.

[atomsk]

Originally Posted by soulten

Let me give you some tips, never start a sentence with "and". Second the shift key's purpose is to help capitalize letters for the beginning of sentences. Either I'm reading the definition wrong but I keep thinking you're using "herein" improperly. But being as english is what I am bad at, I may be wrong.

okay you win but still i dont want a grammar revision ok i need a revision of the material

[Roanoke]

As for Atomsk, I think it sounds like a good synopsis.

As for names...
Can you use names from other things or no?

[atomsk]

Originally Posted by Roanoke

As for Atomsk, I think it sounds like a good synopsis.

As for names...
Can you use names from other things or no?

its possible yes

[Roanoke]

Ok because i like the name Tsukimori. ^___^ and the name Hikaru.

Also, my friends last name is Nakanishi which i think is so amazing. lol

[La_Mort]

wooow sk what is it that you`re starting exactly an actual story, comic or new group. So far it sounds like you`re off to a good start, but if you want it to come out really good it`ll take alot of well thought out ideas. As of now I`m little to no use to you but if you need help with research and developement let me know and I`ll do my best. Good Luck and don`t give up. Ganbatte ne!!!!!!!!! ^_^

[atomsk]

Originally Posted by La_Mort

wooow sk what is it that you`re starting exactly an actual story, comic or new group. So far it sounds like you`re off to a good start, but if you want it to come out really good it`ll take alot of well thought out ideas. As of now I`m little to no use to you but if you need help with research and developement let me know and I`ll do my best. Good Luck and don`t give up. Ganbatte ne!!!!!!!!! ^_^

RESERCH I NEED MATERIAL
/NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I SLAUGHTER THE BITCH OUTSIDE BANGING ON A FRYING PAN CAUSE OBAMA WON/