Poetic Musings and Assorted Nonsense

[suigintou]

This is a thread that you likely clicked on expecting to see some expansive catalogue of poetry. For now, tough luck, although I'm not opposed to expanding it later. It just depends on whether you guys like anything I'm putting here now.

Let me make this clear: most of these have been revised, sure enough, but none of them are definite. I revise poems dozens of times before ever really feeling that they're done. So if you have any suggestions or downright criticisms, go right ahead and toss 'em my way.

Oh, and a little warning: I tend to be very spontaneous, so if this stuff seems weird (especially the titles), trust me...I understand.




A Perfect Day

Words come to me, softly,
pure,
bending to my will.

There was never such a tourniquet
upon my woes
as this;
nothing to behold
that can’t be seen.




Two Feet Outside the Door

Look in my eyes;
what do you see?
The dried tears of
the strange,
the estranged,
or the strangers?
These eyes have seen
for miles,
and have naught but butterfly kisses
from a bitch called
Life.




Maritime Cult and the Gloaty Floaties

The waves tread inward,
urged onward,
pressed regretfully by the very winds that chill my bones,
laid to rest on eventual sands.

So too are pressed,
the creations of man cast afloat,
with sails white and masts standing
proud amidst the cruel intentions of wind’s madness.

A wave may envy a boat most woefully
as it drifts to its sandy doom,
brethren soon to follow,
for sand is not rust nor rot nor cannon,
and such a craft makes safe landing
on its tender grains.

But as some ill wind may rage and stir up
the swell,
waves may have their revenge yet.

[Areku]

Love them, especially the last one because anything related to sea/boats get my total attention. Sorry I can't make suggestions or criticisms because.. well because I can't do that in english. Good job.

[suigintou]

Originally Posted by Areku

Love them, especially the last one because anything related to sea/boats get my total attention. Sorry I can't make suggestions or criticisms because.. well because I can't do that in english. Good job.

Ah, yes, that's probably my favorite of the three as well. I have lots of water poems...it's a natural subject for poetry, what with its beauty being so easy to describe and completely evident at merely a glance.

And if you think you can manage any criticisms in English, feel free to try. Your English is still very good though.

[Raven]

I was actually just expecting some Poetic Musings and Assorted Nonsense... I was a little disappointed by the lack of nonsense though....

I really like the first one the best, very simple and eloquent.
I agree about the water though, there is something inherently fascinating about water!

[suigintou]

Oh don't worry, I'll post some nonsense eventually. Thank you, though. :3

[suigintou]

Here's another piece, just because. The title is terrible, yes, but it's only temporary. Also, shit, forgot about the "no double-posting" rule. Won't happen again. Don't kill me.



Stop and Stare; It’s Everywhere

The sun came out today,
and the people
stopped
and turned their faces to the sky.

The light burned through the clouds
and warmed the hearts of
every
man, woman, and child.

And for a moment, they all stopped.
Just a moment.

[lemonek]

You have done a fine job

[badluckcat]

nice poems :)..

[Raven]

You're most recent poem reminds me of the song Mr. Blue Sky by ELO. I like it, but the single word third lines make it a little awkward to recite.

[suigintou]

Originally Posted by Raven

You're most recent poem reminds me of the song Mr. Blue Sky by ELO. I like it, but the single word third lines make it a little awkward to recite.

I was stressing the need to put a lot of emphasis on those particular words, plus I liked the idea of literally stopping on the word "stopped."

Oh, and I didn't think of that song, but I do love that song, so thanks. ELO is great.

Here's two more...something sort of a silly little experiment (first poem) and one that's more polished (second poem).



Poem

This is a poem.
A composition in verse,
consisting of four stanzas,
four lines each.

These lines will convey
experiences, ideas, and emotions,
intensifying the beauty of language
in a vivid and imaginative way.

This piece will make use
of literary techniques such as
meter, metaphor, and rhyme
and perhaps a little metonymy.

These words are deeply
riddled with suggestions of
deeper meaning, never
cold, robotic facts.



Typical Cynic, 1969

As I walk the stones of solitude,
my eyes glow, indifferent.
Fleeced couples on stilts
stumble,
chasing their one-eyed dreams.

Colors melting off the walls,
wine becomes water, and we're gone.