Hate

[stanmarsh]

3rd poem
Hate
My useless life is full of Hate
all alone i'll sit and wait
for an exit of all thease fears
Untill then i'll cry thease tears
Life without love is full of pain
Hate is a way to mask it
because none of us can hardley grasp it
like an immoveable object in my way
in the end ill surley pay
for all the hate that I have caused
I wish I could put my life on paulse

I was'nt to happy with this one but i though what the hell

[fazenda]

Life without love is full of pain(a poem about pain shouldn't be about love)Hate is a way to mask it(so your a jerk because your in pain)because none of us can hardley grasp it (again you are saying you want love)for all the hate that I have caused
I wish I could put my life on paulse(it was ok but this could mean suicide)

it was an ok poem the first time i read it

[quietchat]

It's kinda.... meh. Poetic writing is hard to do now adays because the intensly masterful works of Egar Allen Poe and other writers have perfected the depressive kinds of works with their tales and childhoods beinging about fears of demons and hell, where as today everyone sees the same things. It's too relatable.

[stanmarsh]

Ill admit its not my best so far

[suigintou]

If you're going to write poetry, please try not to butcher the language you're writing it in. Proper spelling and such would really help your writing. It's so riddled with errors that it's hard to enjoy it.

Also, your rhyming seems rather forced. Your meter is all messed up because of your struggle to rhyme. The problem is that with your first line you give us the impression that you're going for a certain rhythm, but then you drop it later.

Also, with "Hate is a way to mask it," or perhaps even the line above it, it feels like you should've created a space and made the rest into another stanza or perhaps even two others.

Another tip: try some more interesting diction. There aren't really any words in your poem that are eye-catching or anything. Simplicity is fine, but hate isn't a simple theme, so there's a bit of a contradiction. After all, when you're using a theme like this, where it's been battered to death by so many poets before you, you've got to give your poem a way to stick out from the crowd, and so far you're not doing that.

Not trying to be mean or anything...just trying to offer some constructive criticism. Whether or not you use my suggestions is up to you, because it's your poem after all. Just keep writing, above all else.

[stanmarsh]

okie dokie

[Dolly]

From a biased view, I can't say I'm much a fan of pessimistic writing. But in any case, I liked the rhyme scheme.

[stanmarsh]

still its not my best i've done better

[KiriJolith]

Originally Posted by suigintou

If you're going to write poetry, please try not to butcher the language you're writing it in. Proper spelling and such would really help your writing. It's so riddled with errors that it's hard to enjoy it.

Also, your rhyming seems rather forced. Your meter is all messed up because of your struggle to rhyme. The problem is that with your first line you give us the impression that you're going for a certain rhythm, but then you drop it later.

Also, with "Hate is a way to mask it," or perhaps even the line above it, it feels like you should've created a space and made the rest into another stanza or perhaps even two others.

Another tip: try some more interesting diction. There aren't really any words in your poem that are eye-catching or anything. Simplicity is fine, but hate isn't a simple theme, so there's a bit of a contradiction. After all, when you're using a theme like this, where it's been battered to death by so many poets before you, you've got to give your poem a way to stick out from the crowd, and so far you're not doing that.

Not trying to be mean or anything...just trying to offer some constructive criticism. Whether or not you use my suggestions is up to you, because it's your poem after all. Just keep writing, above all else.

seriously man. I've gotta agree with suigintou, your rhyme scheme isn't really that good, and it just doesn't flow very well.

[stanmarsh]

Bleeding and As i lay dying were better