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10-01-2008
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#1 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Loyal Fan
Location: houston, texas
Age: 18
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Can't help falling in love
I looked into your crisp blue eyes
There's something I have never seen, a kind of joy that can be shared with people who have never dared to love Since it's you and only you, I found the strength to smile. There's something to fill my empty heart A feeling I have never felt to anyone I can't help it Can't help falling in love Since it's you and only you, that makes my heart flutter My heart pounding so hard I might just burst. The red in my cheeks Oh so rosy Is caused by you and only you I can't help it... No I can't.... Can't help falling in love...
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 I'm happy to be here. My name is Susana.
Last edited by ~nekochan~; 10-03-2008 at 12:01 AM.. |
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10-02-2008
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#2 | ||||||||
 Administrator
Location: Michigan
Age: 24
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This is very much a lyrical poem, you know that? I think this would work quite well as a song.
One piece of advice: there's no rule saying you have to start every line with a capital letter. You might find it easier to show us where to pause when your lines continue as if they were normal sentences, you know? Something like this: I looked into your crisp blue eyes; there's something I have never seen- a kind of joy that can be shared to (with?) people who has (have?) never dared to love. It just flows a bit better if you ask me. But you don't have to take my advice. And just try to be more careful about typos, like the two I pointed out above. You have a good sense of line breaks, and you have potential. Overall, a good piece, but it needs some revising. Hope I was able to help. :3 |
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10-02-2008
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#3 | ||||||||
 Big Brother
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Subject verb agreement. Learn it well
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10-02-2008
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#4 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
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very nice, but love is fake
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10-02-2008
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#5 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
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its a nice and wonderful but like lemonek said love is fake
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10-02-2008
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#6 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Elder
Location: Andromeda
Age: 20
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ur a lifeless manikin if u say love is fake. i enjoyed the poem alot.
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10-02-2008
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#7 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Age: 20
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hehehehe.... love is in the air!!! :P
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10-02-2008
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#8 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Age: 22
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That was a good poem. Keep up the good work.
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The time to die isn't decided by man, it is decided by powers greater than man can comprehend. Atra esterni ono thelduin, Mor'ranr lifa unin hjarta onr, Un du evarinya ono varda. May good fortune rule over you, Peace live in your heart, And the stars watch over you Atra gulia un ilian tauthr ono un atra ono waise skoliro fra rauthr. May luck and happiness follow you and may you be shielded from misfortune   Which Final Fantasy Character Are You? |
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10-02-2008
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#9 | ||||||||
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sweety
Location: ...in our house!,.
Age: 22
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...i like it too,.but as soulten said,.there are some wrong grammars,.
but nevertheless,.i love it!,. love is never a fake!,.even though i dont have special someone,.i still believe in love!,. you can say im a hopless romantic,.admitted,.but i satnd to what i said!,.♥
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10-03-2008
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#10 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Fan
Location: In the Dark Realms of this world....
Age: 20
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This is really good. I agree it would do well as a song but it's also good as a poem. Great job Neko-chan!
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