To A New World

[Mina914]

To wrap this golden glory tight around his own body and speak as though his life depended upon it…And he who holds this horrid beast above his head and to his chest shall know the truth of pain and sorrow.
He will not know of death, of heaven, or hell, but know that he will not live forever.

With a shattering of glass and the brilliance of the sun, let the man rise forth and bring into this world a bright and shining glory.
A new world for all who come to pass and feel as though life itself were incomplete.

To a newly born babe, the magnificent neo-world blows past its mind. It is for this young child to own someday when he is old enough to comprehend. He shall know the hindrances of love and hate and even the sorrow of a long lost love.

There will be no shining star once the babe has grown and left the world for all of humanity to rule. For when the shooting star falls down to lands unseen, the sky shall turn black and burn for all the world to see.

And oh said he long ago that the world will be purged of evil by the son of suns and he shall rein in brilliant glory in the end. And all shall know the glory of death, the beauty of heaven, and the nightmares of hell.

So he has traveled through the gates of death and is borne into a new world and life, the likes of which no one is sure. But he who looks death in the face and laughs shall know the great honor of being brave and at the same time not.
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I'm almost positive I've left some errors in it, but I tried my best. I'm horrible at editing my own works. The idea randomly popped in my head. Feedback?

[soulten]

Originally Posted by Mina914

To wrap this golden glory tight around his own body and speak as though his life depended upon it…And he who holds this horrid beast above his head and to his chest shall know the truth of pain and sorrow.
He will not know of death, of heaven, or hell, but know that he will not live forever.
With a shattering of glass and the brilliance of the sun, let the man rise forth and bring into this world a bright and shining glory.
A new world for all who come to pass and feel as though life itself were incomplete.

To a newly born babe, the magnificent neo-world blows past its mind. It is for this young child to own someday when he is old enough to comprehend. He shall know the hindrances of love and hate and even the sorrow of a long lost love.

There will be no shining star once the babe has grown and left the world for all of humanity to rule. For when the shooting star falls down to lands unseen, the sky shall turn black and burn for all the world to see.

And oh said he long ago that the world will be purged of evil by the son of suns and he shall rein in brilliant glory in the end. And all shall know the glory of death, the beauty of heaven, and the nightmares of hell.

So he has traveled through the gates of death and is borne into a new world and life, the likes of which no one is sure. But he who looks death in the face and laughs shall know the great honor of being brave and at the same time not.
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I'm almost positive I've left some errors in it, but I tried my best. I'm horrible at editing my own works. The idea randomly popped in my head. Feedback?

Sorry, these are just my opinions
order by underlined
1st. you could probably remove that, or try not to start with and
2nd. this sentance seems odd try refraising
3rd.I think you meen "baby"
4th.see above
5th. could probably remove, unless you were going from the point of this being a speech by some priest or something.
6th. same as 1st, maybe refraise "said he" unless preaching
7th. reign, is the proper spelling
8th. 1st
9th. born, i don't think thier is an "e"
10th. probably removable, or don't start with "but"