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Creative Writing Share your creative literacy with us!

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Old 07-31-2008   #1
jamjfly
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Hey all, tell me what you think. It is the prologue to the book I'm writing.

She ran as fast as she could, but it wasn’t fast enough. He was slowly gaining on her. She knew she would fall prey to him. All she had left in her arsenal of defense was to stand her ground, so she turned to face her pursuer. When she did, he wasn’t there. She was safe from harm, for now.
She returned home to get ready to go home, but she still had that feeling that she was being watched. Being cautious of the situation, she made sure no one was in the house and that everything was locked, and all the windows were shut tightly.
As she slept, he crept into the house, and into her room. He touched nothing, disturbed nothing from its resting place, but just watched. He then left, leaving only a note behind him. He smiled and snickered to himself as he said softly to himself, “you will soon be mine. You cannot stop the flow of your destiny.”
The next day, as she is about to leave her house, she sees the note……
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Old 07-31-2008   #2
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its cool and preatty intense. i wouldnt mind a little more detail though. other than that, its good.
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Old 08-01-2008   #3
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Don't like it : /

Can i remake it for you? .. Thanks ..

She ran as fast as she could, but it wasn’t fast enough. He was slowly gaining on her. She knew she would fall prey to him. All she had left in her was the infamous pistol,Desert Eagle.She turned around..And the prediter..became..the prey.He started running while dodging all the bullets untill.. *To Be Continue*
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Old 08-03-2008   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shigami View Post
Don't like it : /

Can i remake it for you? .. Thanks ..

She ran as fast as she could, but it wasn’t fast enough. He was slowly gaining on her. She knew she would fall prey to him. All she had left in her was the infamous pistol,Desert Eagle.She turned around..And the prediter..became..the prey.He started running while dodging all the bullets untill.. *To Be Continue*
Hahaha. Thanks for making me laugh.

Back to the topic.... Shigami's right. It needs a little edit here and there.
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