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Creative Writing Share your creative literacy with us!

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Old 04-18-2008   #1
kitsu21
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Default Baby Girl: Intro

hope you guys like it...feel free to CONSTRUCTIVELY criticize.

She prowls, silent as death over rotting leaves and sopping dirt. Golden eyes glint out through the darkness. Constantly alert of her surroundings, she stalks forward. Prey.

A fat warthog ambles its way into her view. She crouches, and is soon ready to pounce. SNAP!

A large branch cracks. Every beast for a mile around hears it, followed by loud, unintelligible voices and some strange, four-legged animals that only used two to stand. No tail, no whiskers, and no claws to help it attack, run, and defend.

An animal uses its two front legs to raise a strange, shiny, and hollow looking log to one of its forward facing eyes. It must be a predator. Then it uses one of its toes to pull backward a small, curved stick on the shiny log.

A bang, even louder than the first, makes every part of the rain forest jump. Even her, the most might of predators, the jaguar.

Her intelligent eyes shine as she is torn between fear and curiosity. Curiosity wins and she stays put, but very quiet. The boar is down, yet nothing touched it. It is dead, but nothing seen killed it. Can sound alone kill? Did they fire out a demon?

The strange two-leggers, that look oddly like chimps, haul up the dead boar. She lets out a low growl. That was hers. She had claimed when she crouched. How dare they come and steal it? Now rage fills her mind and body, but she chooses to ignore it and, instead, follows the tall-chimps back to their den, treading quietly.

A huge wood wall rises in her way, but a square opening is not too far above her head. As she touches it, however, cautiously with her paw, it won't go through. She hits it again, a little harder. Still it stops her. She then smacks the invisible barrier and suddenly, it shatters, pouring on her a hard, cutting rain.

Shouts rise and barking like wild dogs resound, and she speeds away into the night, vowing to return.

Weeks pass by with more shots of the shiny logs, now known as guns. The invisible barrier has become glass and the two-leggers are men. But however many pretty words there are, it can't stop the terrible destruction these "men" are causing to the rain forest, her home.

Tress are falling every day with swipes of sharpened stones-on-sticks called axes. Homes of millions of birds, insects, and chimps disappear and kill many in the span of a few suns. She is angry.

Her eyes glint viciously in the dark as she prepares her attack. She's the queen of the jungle, defender of her territory. A warrior.

She crouches and slinks forward, her mighty paws making no sound at all. A child cries in the night and she remembers the cub she had just lost due to the destruction. His body lying under the enormous tree trunk, completely devoid of life, only his front half visible, blood everywhere. Oh how she had mourned him.

These memories spur her to move and she quickly converts her grief to rage. She pounces and begins to launch her one-cat attack upon the village. More and more man blood fills the crevices in the ground.

Another cry, closer and she swats down a door to peer inside. The room is full of mans equipment. A flat slab of wood resting on top of four poles called, maybe a table? And chairs. She knew chairs from when drunken men got in fights.

But there, in the corner of the room, a thing moves. It cries out as she walks over to it, curious.

BANG! BANG! Gunshots and two small round holes appear just above the human cub. She leaps aside as more gunfire sounds.

Fire! Torches come soaring in through windows and more invisible run falls, cutting her huge paws.

She spins around and prepares to bound away...but the child cries out again. And again, memories of her lost cub flood her mind.

She lets out an anguished roar and turns to quickly and gently pick up the human before jumping through the flames and back out into the bloody rain forest.

The few humans that are left start shouting and waving wildly at her. She ignores this and bats them out of the way as she sprints towards the tree line.

It begins to rain. Cool drops pour down on her body and her blood red fur slowly changes to yellow and black. She splashes through puddles of blood and water and mud. The fire behind her begins to crackle less and hiss, filling the air with plumes of white steam.

She's out and begins to head for home, clutching tenderly in her jaws a human baby girl.

so yeah... hope you liked!
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Old 04-18-2008   #2
archangle
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its long but very very nicly written congrats and i did like it
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Old 04-18-2008   #3
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thanks...it's only an intro, i'm working on the first chapter now...
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Old 04-18-2008   #4
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is there anything i should work on?
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Old 04-18-2008   #5
Ryuuzaki
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Ryuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud ofRyuuzaki has much to be proud of
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Hm...thats a very interesting opening to the story, can't wait to read the first chapter. ^^
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Old 04-18-2008   #6
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no not right now but lets see how the story countinues
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