Chuck Norris Facts

[sapphireAT]

Chuck Norris Facts

1) Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunt refers to the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
4) Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice
5) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took back his soul. The devil, which appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted that he, should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
6) When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for chuck Norris
7) If you can see chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris, then you are seconds away from death.
8) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9) The chief of chuck Norris is pain.
10) When Chuck Norris send in his taxes, he send blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
11) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
12) Chuck Norris has already been to mars; that’s why there is no sign of life there.
13) Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
14) Chuck Norris’s private is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorize that the passage of time is merely a byproduct of Norris’ colossal erections. This is known as the “Chuck Norris’ Big Cock Theory of Space-time.”
15) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse; horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
16) Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but also because he can pee on whatever the f*** he wants.
17) As a teen chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untitled team in professional football history.
18) Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was just too easy.
19) Chuck Norris uses a flashlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck Norris.
20) If chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.
21) A blind man once stepped on chuck norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m chuck Norris.” The mere mention of his name cured this man’s blindness. Sadly, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
22) To prove that it isn’t a big of a deal to cure cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different types of cancer only to rid them by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that Lance Armstrong.

[nejih94]

i think that was the funniest thing ive ever read*LOL*

[Ryuuzaki]

yeah i agree with neji 100% x3

[BlueSano]

YAY ! you posted it thank you this is really funny LOL

[Koopaking]

Chuck Norris got beat up by Stone Cold Steve Austin

[monsoon 10]

Originally Posted by sapphireAT

Chuck Norris Facts

1) Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunt refers to the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
4) Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice
5) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took back his soul. The devil, which appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted that he, should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
6) When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for chuck Norris
7) If you can see chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris, then you are seconds away from death.
8) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9) The chief of chuck Norris is pain.
10) When Chuck Norris send in his taxes, he send blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
11) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
12) Chuck Norris has already been to mars; that’s why there is no sign of life there.
13) Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
14) Chuck Norris’s private is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorize that the passage of time is merely a byproduct of Norris’ colossal erections. This is known as the “Chuck Norris’ Big Cock Theory of Space-time.”
15) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse; horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
16) Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but also because he can pee on whatever the f*** he wants.
17) As a teen chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untitled team in professional football history.
18) Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing people with knives was just too easy.
19) Chuck Norris uses a flashlight. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck Norris.
20) If chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.
21) A blind man once stepped on chuck norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m chuck Norris.” The mere mention of his name cured this man’s blindness. Sadly, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
22) To prove that it isn’t a big of a deal to cure cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different types of cancer only to rid them by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that Lance Armstrong.

You forgot the most important Chuck Norris fact...Chuck Norris facts are lame.

[Ryuuzaki]

@monsoon They are not lame, Chuck is the best and so are the facts. But not trying to sound like I'm picking a fight but why did you post something rude about the Chuck facts? I mean if you didn't like them then you didn't need to read them or even look at this topic since this is even clearly titled "Chuck Norris Facts" You could have just not clicked on it. Just sayin though ^^

[Crymson]

it's the internet, people come looking for fights.

though very amusing. I'd almost forgotten about Chuck Norris facts

[Ryuuzaki]

You have a point Crymson, but it's still stupid and very pointless.

[monsoon 10]

Originally Posted by Ryuuzaki

You have a point Crymson, but it's still stupid and very pointless.

I'm not trying to pick a fight I'm just stating what I think of them.