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09-18-2009
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#1 | ||||||||
 Administrator
Location: Michigan
Age: 24
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Two more pieces
Because I hate just posting one poem at a time.
Wind I felt the wind today. It tore through me, and tears welled in my eyes. The shattered panes of my chocolate-covered dreams fell around me. All around me. Typical Cynic, 1969 As I walk the stones of solitude, my eyes glow, indifferent. Fleeced couples on stilts stumble, chasing their one-eyed dreams. Colors melting off the walls, wine becomes water, and we're gone.
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09-18-2009
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#2 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Age: 23
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i like that your poetry takes on different feelings all at once, not really focused on one thing!
the first brought a thought to me that made me chuckle, not gonna say what it was though! the second one, my first thought was Pink Floyd another brick in the wall
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09-18-2009
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#3 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
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Very nice job sui. Hope to read more from you : )
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09-18-2009
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#4 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Location: Putting on my rubber glove...
Age: 23
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Where are Earth and Fire?
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09-19-2009
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#5 | |||||||||
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Administrator
Location: Michigan
Age: 24
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But seriously no that was a bad joke. Thanks, Rice and Zero. <3 Though I have no idea how Typical Cynic has much to do with "Another Brick in the Wall," or any song from The Wall for that matter.
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22 medium-jumbo frets, 3 mini humbuckers, 2 single-coil pickups, and 6 steel strings of pure sex.
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09-19-2009
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#6 | |||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Location: Putting on my rubber glove...
Age: 23
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Quote:
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09-20-2009
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#7 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Elder
Location: The oldest city in the world
Age: 23
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was it wet, that chocolate dream I mean?
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Last edited by wi_sam; 09-20-2009 at 12:13 AM.. |
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09-20-2009
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#8 | |||||||||
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Administrator
Location: Michigan
Age: 24
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Quote:
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22 medium-jumbo frets, 3 mini humbuckers, 2 single-coil pickups, and 6 steel strings of pure sex.
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09-20-2009
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#9 | ||||||||
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Anime Fuel Hero
Location: north of the border.
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That could've been complete perversion and not a joke. just a thought.
That chocolate stands out like a white elephant. Draws too much attention, as if everything's centered around it. That's the only constructive and opinionated criticism I can offer. On the other hand, the second totally makes up for any petty judgments I can make about one word in the first. Very nice overall. thanks
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09-20-2009
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#10 | |||||||||
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Anime Fuel Veteran
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Age: 23
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oh and your entirely welcome! its no big deal for me to say what i like!
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