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Anime Fuel Veteran
(This poem is similar to escaped from Hell)
Reminiscing times of old
stories that remained untold
Secrets that were never said.
A life that I could only dread.
All that I was put though
Forced to live a life of hate
With the help, I soon made my escape
no ok no
I like this piece. I see you've embraced trochaic trimeter. Iambs and trochees are effective in many case, being extremely common in modern language (especially pentameters), and it's good to see you trying to pay close attention to your meter. Normally a person might say that it's odd to have three trochaic lines and then one iambic one, but I think you've gotten away with it all right.
A couple minor things to note, and consider altering:
-Notice how you set up your first stanza. The first line is an action (reminiscing), and the rest are things (stories, secrets, life).
-Period after first line and capitalization of the first word of the second line would be appropriate and better for stress and continuity.
-"Trapped forever" is what should end this poem, I think, even if you actually did escape. Your last line is just cheesy and way too sudden, I'm sorry. You can always detail your escape in a much better way in another poem, after all. The poem is more concrete if it ends without suddenly changing in tone to such an extreme degree.
Keep growing, Aki. And always try new things. <3
22 medium-jumbo frets, 3 mini humbuckers, 2 single-coil pickups, and 6 steel strings of pure sex.
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