The Dragon Clan or the Shadow Clan part 1

[Inuyasha50]

There was once a time, long, long ago, where there were two clans, the Dragon Clan and the Shadow Clan. These two clans were against each other to battle for the territory of the land, no one else lived at these times, because food and water were scarce.
The leader of the Dragon Clan, a dragoon named Craze, was a vicious, bloodthirsty thing, that wanted everything to himself, including the territory, but, the leader of the Shadow Clan, a shadow demon named Shadow, wanted to share the prey and water of the territory, in fact, he was willing to give it up just so there wouldn’t be any bloodshed. But Craze wanted to fight for the territory, he threatened Shadow’s clan with spells and weapons, eventually, Shadow got sick and tired of the threats, so, he challenged Craze to a war, the winner would get all of the territory, it was a risky bet, but, Shadow was willing to do this, Craze said that he accepted his challenged, and the war of territory began.
Craze cheated by using spells to give more power to his minions, but, Shadow’s minions kept fighting till they could fight no more, in the end, Shadow’s clan won because Shadow managed to get to Craze and killed him on the spot. It was a gruesome battle, lots of people lost their lives in the battle that day, but the Shadow Clan will remember all. Rumor has it that you can still hear the warriors of both clans fighting for which is now called The Great Plains.

[animaniac]

Man......sorry to say I don't think this is that great.

1. All is fair in love and war. So if he used spells to strengthen his minions, it's fine.
2. I don't think a day could sum up a "gruesome" battle.
3. Fight no more, meaning they can't wield their weapons, so they won't be able to fight and push through to the Enemy Leader.
4. Craze, the spell-strengthened Leader of the Dragon Clan cannot be defeated by a Demon weak of heart with denial of bloodshed. When do you see a demon like that anyway?

I think your just biased to your character.

[KiriJolith]

Um, not trying to bash you here, but this really isn't that good. Needs a lot more detail, need to be longer. You need to paint a picture in the mind of the people reading it, not just state simple facts about it.

[Inuyasha50]

Hmm... well, i was sick and bored when i made this, so, yeah, it is bad now that i reread it again.

[GhostGirl4]

it was short and boring.......no offense