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Creative Writing Share your creative literacy with us!

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Old 01-28-2009   #1
Hakeru
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Default Guilt

Guilt and pain are all I feel
Now to me nothings real
Every time I close my eyes
I see her face and realize
Im this monster they all speak of
I dont deserve the love from God above
Leave me alone and let me die
No I dont want you all to cry
Mom and dad dont tell my baby sisters
About all her scars and bruises and blisters
Bad judgment killed
Her mother it ended her life
Now her daughter has to suffer with strife
Kill me now and kill me quick
Over a girl why was I such a dick?
My life is over but why do I still breathe
Cant you tell I want to leave?
She didnt love me and neither should you
Look at what I have put you all through
It over whelming the guilt in my head
So dont be surprised when you find me dead
I love you all and this is my plea
Dont love me back just let me be
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Last edited by Hakeru; 01-28-2009 at 07:56 AM..
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Old 02-03-2009   #2
Calypsa
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Kind of sad. It look like a feeling I once felt... If it's what you feel, don't think of dying so badly, it's bad for your health.

But I'm not a psychologist so I will just comment on the art. It's a great poem I would say with my honest opinion of literary student. A bit simple in the structure but the feeling are well expressed, the words well used. sorry if I'm a bit fade on my compliments, my english is horrible for I'm a francophone on the first place, but I really think that your poem is nice. So if you have something else, just post it and I will read it with great pleasure.
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Old 02-03-2009   #3
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oo it's really emotional..
I LOVE IT
*clap clap*
keep it upps
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Old 02-03-2009   #4
Mugen

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alrighty then. its interesting, you were splitting up sentences and making it seem weird, for example: "Bad judgment killed
Her mother it ended her life "
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Old 02-03-2009   #5
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its interesting and a bit sad i really felt something like sadness that i havent felt before after reading the poem its really good
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Old 02-22-2009   #6
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Nice, love it.
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Old 03-02-2009   #7
smada85
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that was crazy awsome
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