My story for Killion.

[Luna_]

"Hell found me," She said, looking out of the fog covered window.
She looked at the man in a black suit walking down the paved path to her house.
"What are you talking about, Liz?" The girls boyfriend asked. "You're not making any since, you're scaring me."


But Liz wasn't listening, she was scared for a different reason.
She knew what the guy in the black suite really was, and why he was there.
"We need to hurry and get out, or hide, something." She said worried.
She grabbed Josh's hand, but he wouldn't move.
"Come on, I ran from him for this long, I know how to get away." He still wouldn't move.
"Who? Who are you talking about?"
"Just come on, I'll explain later." She had finally got him to go with
her, She pulled him to the back door, and once they were out side she stared to run.
She looked back and saw the man coming around the house .She knew the man noticed them.
"Come on! We have to hurry!"
"What are we running away from?!"
"Just hurr-!" She wasn't looking where she was going a tripped on a tree branch.
"Are you okay?" Josh asked helping her up. " I'm fine, come on."
"No, just slow down for a minute." She looked up and saw that the man was only 20 feet away .
"No! We have go to now, I'm okay-" she tried to get up but her ankle was in pain.
The man got even closer. "Josh, We have to go. Look." She pointed to the man.
Josh looked that way. "What? I don't see anything, Liz."
"He's just right there!" She pointed. As the man got closer his body started to morph into a different shape.
Liz watched as the old man turned into a Big black dog.
Liz knew what this was too, A hell hound. They were only sent to bring a soul to hell. Liz let out a scream.
The dog jumped in the air, she covered her face with her arms.
A loud bang sound echoed in her ears. After a few moments, she peeked to see what happened.
The dog lied on it's side, then a tall guy stepped by the hound to see his work.
"What the hell?!" Josh yelled. "Whats going on? Who are you?" the new guy stepped closer to them.

"Calm down."
"I'll calm down when you put the gun down. "
"Fine" He put down his gun, "Here put these on, you'll see what's going on." He tossed
Josh a pair of worn out glasses.
"What are you talking about?"
"Put them and you'll see." Josh put them on, and the other guy just laughed at him.
Josh stared at the Hell hound on the ground.
He took the glasses off then put then back on before saying."What the hell....?"
"Who are you?" Liz asked
"Those glasses are a good look for you," he said sarcastically."
"Who are you?" Liz asked again, but louder this time.
"My names James, nice to met you." James held out a hand to Liz.
Liz Put her hand out, but then put it back down, Her ankle already hurt, she didn't want to walk on it.
"What's wrong?" James asked.
"It's nothing, I just Hurt my ankle when I fell," said Liz.
"Oh, can you walk?" James asked.
"It really hurts."
James had gotten a small green bottle out of his pocket, it had some
gooie slum in it. He placed some of of the greenish slim on her ankle.
"There, does that feel better?" Suddenly, Liz's ankle felt fine.
" Yeah, it feels great," She said standing up."What was it?" She asked.
"Just something I make, I don't have a name for it. But it's a good healer," he said, putting it back in his bag.
"Now come on, I'm sure they're probably going to send more."
"More? It's still not over?" Liz asked disappointed.
"It's not going to be that easy, girl. you soled your soul, And they want what you promised them."
"What?" Josh looked to Liz. She looked away, embarrassed .
"Come on," James said, "We need to get out of here."
James led them to his truck. "Get in." He told them.
Liz was still not looking at Josh, but he was staring at her. They all got in and drove off.
"What does he mean by 'sold your soul'?" Josh asked, she didn't want to answer him.
"Liz!" Josh yelled, he wanted the answer.
Liz jumped And finally looked at him.
"What did you do?" He asked slowly.
"I did it for you" Liz said almost crying. Josh was silent, Liz looked away again.
Josh didn't know what to say.
"What...What do you mean, you did it for me?" Josh looked over at James, He was staring at the road, not looking at them.
"You died..." Liz said in a low voice. "What? How? Where? When?!" Josh said.
Liz sighed. "Last year, you were shot by a mugger"
"I-I thought that was a dream..." Josh said and stared off into space. Liz shook her head,
"It wasn't a dream."

THE END.


Author's note: I might add to it one day, don't really know.

[KillionX6]

First of all I loved it. Very nice.

As for criticism whether you were looking for it or not, ima give it to you.

1. Could use a little more hear, feel, sound. That way the reader feels as if they were there.

2. I like the jump straight into it, but A little more scare the hell outa josh woulda made me clench.

Other then those two you have it down. I liked it, gave me a supernatural feel. I would like to see more.

[Luna_]

Originally Posted by KillionX6

First of all I loved it. Very nice.

As for criticism whether you were looking for it or not, ima give it to you.

1. Could use a little more hear, feel, sound. That way the reader feels as if they were there.

2. I like the jump straight into it, but A little more scare the hell outa josh woulda made me clench.

Other then those two you have it down. I liked it, gave me a supernatural feel. I would like to see more.

Thanks. ^_^

[Rock]

Originally Posted by Luna_

"Hell found me," She said, looking out of the fog covered window.
She looked at the man in a black suit walking down the paved path to her house.
"What are you talking about, Liz?" The girls boyfriend asked. "You're not making any since, you're scaring me."


But Liz wasn't listening, she was scared for a different reason.
She knew what the guy in the black suite really was, and why he was there.
"We need to hurry and get out, or hide, something." She said worried.
She grabbed Josh's hand, but he wouldn't move.
"Come on, I ran from him for this long, I know how to get away." He still wouldn't move.
"Who? Who are you talking about?"
"Just come on, I'll explain later." She had finally got him to go with
her, She pulled him to the back door, and once they were out side she stared to run.
She looked back and saw the man coming around the house .She knew the man noticed them.
"Come on! We have to hurry!"
"What are we running away from?!"
"Just hurr-!" She wasn't looking where she was going a tripped on a tree branch.
"Are you okay?" Josh asked helping her up. " I'm fine, come on."
"No, just slow down for a minute." She looked up and saw that the man was only 20 feet away .
"No! We have go to now, I'm okay-" she tried to get up but her ankle was in pain.
The man got even closer. "Josh, We have to go. Look." She pointed to the man.
Josh looked that way. "What? I don't see anything, Liz."
"He's just right there!" She pointed. As the man got closer his body started to morph into a different shape.
Liz watched as the old man turned into a Big black dog.
Liz knew what this was too, A hell hound. They were only sent to bring a soul to hell. Liz let out a scream.
The dog jumped in the air, she covered her face with her arms.
A loud bang sound echoed in her ears. After a few moments, she peeked to see what happened.
The dog lied on it's side, then a tall guy stepped by the hound to see his work.
"What the hell?!" Josh yelled. "Whats going on? Who are you?" the new guy stepped closer to them.

"Calm down."
"I'll calm down when you put the gun down. "
"Fine" He put down his gun, "Here put these on, you'll see what's going on." He tossed
Josh a pair of worn out glasses.
"What are you talking about?"
"Put them and you'll see." Josh put them on, and the other guy just laughed at him.
Josh stared at the Hell hound on the ground.
He took the glasses off then put then back on before saying."What the hell....?"
"Who are you?" Liz asked
"Those glasses are a good look for you," he said sarcastically."
"Who are you?" Liz asked again, but louder this time.
"My names James, nice to met you." James held out a hand to Liz.
Liz Put her hand out, but then put it back down, Her ankle already hurt, she didn't want to walk on it.
"What's wrong?" James asked.
"It's nothing, I just Hurt my ankle when I fell," said Liz.
"Oh, can you walk?" James asked.
"It really hurts."
James had gotten a small green bottle out of his pocket, it had some
gooie slum in it. He placed some of of the greenish slim on her ankle.
"There, does that feel better?" Suddenly, Liz's ankle felt fine.
" Yeah, it feels great," She said standing up."What was it?" She asked.
"Just something I make, I don't have a name for it. But it's a good healer," he said, putting it back in his bag.
"Now come on, I'm sure they're probably going to send more."
"More? It's still not over?" Liz asked disappointed.
"It's not going to be that easy, girl. you soled your soul, And they want what you promised them."
"What?" Josh looked to Liz. She looked away, embarrassed .
"Come on," James said, "We need to get out of here."
James led them to his truck. "Get in." He told them.
Liz was still not looking at Josh, but he was staring at her. They all got in and drove off.
"What does he mean by 'sold your soul'?" Josh asked, she didn't want to answer him.
"Liz!" Josh yelled, he wanted the answer.
Liz jumped And finally looked at him.
"What did you do?" He asked slowly.
"I did it for you" Liz said almost crying. Josh was silent, Liz looked away again.
Josh didn't know what to say.
"What...What do you mean, you did it for me?" Josh looked over at James, He was staring at the road, not looking at them.
"You died..." Liz said in a low voice. "What? How? Where? When?!" Josh said.
Liz sighed. "Last year, you were shot by a mugger"
"I-I thought that was a dream..." Josh said and stared off into space. Liz shook her head,
"It wasn't a dream."

THE END.


Author's note: I might add to it one day, don't really know.

I like it.

[Luna_]

Originally Posted by Rock

I like it.

Thank you.

[ebin-san]

wow. good work there.
how did you come up with the idea to write this? lol :L

[Luna_]

Originally Posted by ebin-san

wow. good work there.
how did you come up with the idea to write this? lol :L

Thanks!

Well I've had the idea that "Hell Found Me" Would be a cool name for a book for a few days already, and I love writing supernatural type stories, so I knew it was gonna that kind of story. So I just tried to think of why the book would have that name, and started writing. Anyway, he asked me to write him a story so that's why this is just a short story and not a real book like I'd wanted to do, but it was a good way to start working on it.

[ebin-san]

oh right, cool.
i used to be really big into writing and stuff too.
for my whole childhood all i did was read and hope that someday id be a writer.
lol
so, keep up the good work!

[Luna_]

Originally Posted by ebin-san

oh right, cool.
i used to be really big into writing and stuff too.
for my whole childhood all i did was read and hope that someday id be a writer.
lol
so, keep up the good work!

Lol I read a lot too. Writing is fun, so I shall keep doing it.

[kakashizzz]

I like it.