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Anime Fuel Newbie
Kite's Adventure: Chapter 1
I walked down the lonely road. I was in a hurry. Nobody was out right now since they were ethier at work or school. I only passed one woman who carried a umbrella. I was walking down the path, and I heard a scream. I stopped and listen, and heard another scream which came from my right. I jumped up on to a building ( I'm very athletic ), and went to look for a person. I saw a alley and gazed down at it. I witness a scene all to familiar in these times, a helpless boy and a strong wizard, hands glowing red and ready to strike. I watched as the boy was forced into the air, and I took a few steps back. As I turned back towards the alley I began to sprint and I launched myself off of my perch, flipping through the air like an acrobat. My face was closer to the ground, so I stuck my hand out and landed on that hand only. It didn't hurt at all since I've practice before even though it was a tree during those practices. I pushed up from the ground and flipped. I landed on my feet safely, but I jumped up into the air again, except I was aimed at the man. He was surprised. I saw that he would ethier hit my shoulder the way I was going, or if he move, then he would hit my head. He saw this too and couldn't move. I collied hard into the man that we both were falling. I flipped a few times and landed safely on my feet. The boy was still in the air when I landed, but when the wizard hit the ground head first (which must have paralized him), the boy started to fall. I was set for that and I jumped backwards. I caught the boy in my hands with some ease. I looked at the boy with calmness. I looked behind me, but it was to late. I saw a huge wall! I knew I couldn't stop from crashing into the wall. I landed head first into the wall....and...an.
I woke up slowly, but closed my eyes fast. There was bright lights all around me. I wondered what was happening. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked. I sat up confused. There was something or someone shaking me. When my eyes got sharp again, I saw the boy I saved shaking me.
"What? What do you want?" I asked the boy, but he kept shaking me. I got mad since he didn't stop. I said a bit louder," Hey , will you stop shaking me? I am awake. Okay." The boy was shaking me harder. I then realized why. I tried to look around, but my eyes didn't let me. I knew then that I was paralized. A serin went off and a bunch of people came over. A guy asked the boy a few questions.
"Are you all right?" the guy asked.
"Why are you asking me that when there is this girl who is hurt? She just saved my life and is hurt; you're asking if I'm okay."the boy screamed. The police sighed.
"Listen Sam, I know she's hurt. I've already called the hospital. Still, are you alright, you know your father would have killed us if you were hurt."
" I don't care about what my father thinks right now." the boy Sam interrupted.
" Anyhow, I saw what happened; she seems like a wizard. Maybe she works for the big jail." the police said.
"Really, I don't see any I.D." Sam said. The boy checked me again.
"You're right Sam. She doesn't have an I.D., but than why did she save you. Here, move aside." the police command.
"Why?" Sam asked.
"I need to see if she really is a wizard." the police said. Sam moved aside; he still watched the police officer carefully. The police took his flashlight out and shined it in my eyes; I didn't blinked.
"So?" Sam ask.
" I can't really tell. It looks as if she is human, but I can't tell since she has grayish eyes." said the police. Truth was that I am a wizard. Wizards have a circle in their eyes while humans don't. My eyes have one, but it blends in with the gray so it looks as if I'm a human.
" There's the Emergency truck. Sam, please stay with this girl for now. Once she is fine, someone is going to take a test on her. Hope you have a good day Sam. After that I started to faint.....
(Thanks for reading. Leave a comment to give any suggestion and I will think about what u type. Thanks!) :)
Last edited by kite5; 12-19-2009 at 11:51 PM..
Anime Fuel Fan
I like the story so far, and ill give you a little imput. try using a different way to describe what the character is doing for example:
"I looked at a alley and saw a boy about my size and a man. I already knew what was happening. The man lifted his hands that was turning red. I gasped.
I didn't gasp because I was scared or anything like that. It's actally very normal for people to find a wizard and a poor, defenseless human in any type of alley. I watch the strugling boy be force to go up into the air. I then turned around and took a few steps. I turned back around and started to run. I got to the edge and jumped off. I flipped about 20 times before I landed on the ground."
could be changed to:
Gazing down into the alley i witnessed a scene all to familiar in these times, a helpless boy and a wizard, hands glowing red and ready to strike. I watched as the boy was forced into the air and i took a few steps back. As i turned back towards the alley i began to sprint and inhaled deeply before launching myself off of my perch, twisting through the air with the ease of an acrobat.
just a suggestion though. it seems to me like your trying to make things longer than it needs to be and you can still get all those details you want people to have if you shorten it up a little bit. Anyway im looking forward to more and i will be glad to give you more of my input if you want it.
What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me? Into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better, because if the scanner sees only darkly the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again.
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