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Creative Writing Share your creative literacy with us!

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Old 09-18-2009   #1
JessaBaby
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Default Her's forever

She holds my heart
Her hands gripping tighter
I can't escape
For she owns me
And loves me
But scares me
For she scars me
And I scream
Silently
But I love her back anyways
Her Doll
Till the end
Never an escape
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Old 09-18-2009   #2
Zero Ichi
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there some deep feelings behind this one, i can see it, another good one Jessa, im beginning to love your poems, like alot! hahah
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Old 09-19-2009   #3
JessaBaby
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zero Ichi View Post
there some deep feelings behind this one, i can see it, another good one Jessa, im beginning to love your poems, like alot! hahah
Lol thank you very much!
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Old 09-19-2009   #4
fazenda
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fazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud offazenda has much to be proud of
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it was ok

But scares me
For she scars me


but this part seems repetitive and could be fixed
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Old 09-20-2009   #5
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haaha your welcome, Jessa!

but how is it repetitive? not really seein it to be honest
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Old 09-20-2009   #6
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just the way that in the poem it is said and the practically said again
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Old 09-20-2009   #7
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but scares and scars are two different things, i think it was very well done, you almost always need a reason for every feeling exposed in a poem, at least for these kind of poems
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Old 09-20-2009   #8
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oh, whoops, I guess I missed the difference and I thought they where the same word, now that I notice that it is somewhat better.
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Old 09-21-2009   #9
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Thank you for the opinions guys
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