Zodiac chapter 1 (redone)

[Nightmare]

If you've never read my story your in for a treat. If your reading it again you'll probably notice it allot longer and I've added a bit of dialog I was missing before in addition my grammar has bee corrected.

Chapter 1

“Thank goodness the snow stopped before school got out,” Danny commented to his friends.
“Yeah, especially for you, Danny,” Kevin said teasingly, a grin spreading across his face. “You are the only person I know that’s crazy enough to think of walking home in this kind of weather.”
“What, so I like the cold,” Danny shrugged. “Well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Wait, I’ll come with…you,” Kevin said, turning only to see that Danny was already halfway down the block. “How does he do that?” Kevin whispered to himself. To the others he said. “Well guess I should hurry.”
Danny was walking home quickly (as he always did). Despite what any one said, he was not in any hurry to get home; he just didn’t have anywhere to be, so why not go home? As he walked, Danny looked around. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, just glancing around. As he did so, something caught his eye. Danny bent down to examine the object more closely and found that it was a small yellow stone. He reached down and grabbed it and was forced to his knees. Danny couldn’t remember ever being in this much pain. It felt like his bones were on fire. Danny screamed out in pain just before collapsing.
Kevin heard Danny’s scream and broke into a sprint. “Danny!” Kevin shouted when he saw his friend lying face down in the snow. He reached his friend and bent over him. “Come-on, man. Talk to me!” he said shaking Danny.
“Ooooooh,” Danny replied stirring. “Did you get the number of that steamroller?”
“What happened to you, man?” Kevin asked helping Danny to stand.
“Don’t know,” Danny said truthfully “but it feels like my skin just tried to crush my bones.”
“Well, are you all right?” Kevin inquired.
“Yes, I think so,” Danny replied. “Hey, look at what I found in the snow, it’s-” Danny began but broke off when he opened his hand and saw that the stone had disappeared.
“It’s what?” Kevin asked looking worried.
“Um, nothing,” Danny told him a little less truthfully than before. “Why are you here any way?”
“Well, you would know that if you had waited five seconds for me to say I was coming too.” Kevin snapped putting his hands on his hips. “Back to more important things; are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, for the last time, yes!” Danny exclaimed throwing his arms in the air.
“Well, good but why do you think you fell?”
“Well, Kev,” Danny replied folding his arms over his chest, voice dripping with sarcasm. “There’s this thing called gravity–”
“I know what gravity is!” Kevin interrupted leaning forward. “What I want to know is why you fell.”
“Well, if you want to know the event that caused me to fall then… as near as I can tell I must have slipped on some ice.” Danny said, this time serious, all though he knew that this was definitely not what happened; he may have imagined the stone but the pain he had felt was real. Kev was his best friend, but Danny doubted the wisdom of telling him that he was experiencing fainting spells and wracking pain. “I’ll tell someone if it happens again,” Danny thought to himself.
“Well what do you expect?” Kev teased “walking home after a snow storm in Maine.”
“Whatever,” Danny said in response “Let’s get home, okay?”

“Martha, Martha, Martha!”
“Huh? Oh! What?”
“Martha, you were sleeping in class again!” exclaimed the teacher, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Yup.” Martha replied, propping her head up, a bored expression on her face.
“Well!” the teacher exclaimed, “If you’re so smart that you feel that you do not have to pay attention in class, why don’t you tell us, after the sun, what is the closest star to the earth?
“But this is a math class.” Laury said.
“Just answer the question, Martha!” The teacher ordered.
“Proxima Centari.” Martha replied. “Now, will you please call me Laury? You know I like it better when people call me that.”
“But it’s not your name, Dear.” The teacher replied.
“It’s my middle name.” Laury retorted, glaring at the teacher.
“No, Martha, your middle name is Lauren.” The teacher told Laury, turning back to the board as if the conversation were over.
“But Laury is my nickname!” Laury exclaimed.
“Martha!” the teacher shouted obviously at the end of her patience. “I have had enough of this nonsense, and I will see you after school for talking back.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Laury replied.

“I don’t see why she had to keep me for so long,” Laury grumbled as she left school. She was just leaving through the front door when she heard someone behind her say.
“Hey, Laury, what took you so long?”
Startled, Laury jumped and spun around, and saw her brother, Steve. “Oh, Steve, what are you doing still here?” Laury exclaimed. “I thought that everyone would be home by now.”
“Humph, like I’d let a little thing like a half hour keep me from walking my little sis home,” Steve said as he walked up to Laury when he reached her he sighed. “Pride of Florida’s educational system you are, the smartest person in the world and you can’t even keep out of detintion.
“Speaking of which, don’t you think that it was kind of harsh of that teacher to keep me after a whole thirty minutes?” Laury pouted.
“Well to be fair,” Steve said while, putting an arm over Laury’s shoulder. “You did say she was picking on you and you called her an old witch. I mean really what are you, five? You know better than to talk to a teacher that way.”
“I’m twelve, thank you very much!” Laury shouted. “And I don’t need you lecturing me on how to behave!”
“Laury, you know I wasn’t trying to lecture you,” Steve replied looking a bit hurt.
“I’m sorry, I know you weren’t,” Laury said looking down ashamed that she had yelled at her brother when she saw something lying in the grass. “Hey what’s that?” Laury said pointing.
“What’s what?” Steve asked looking down.
“This,” Laury said bending down to point the object out to Steve. “It looks like some kind of rainbow colored quartz.”
“Really, let me see it,” Steve said scooping up the rock and examining it. “How do you know it’s quartz?”
“See how it’s transparent? And it’s made of little crystals. If you squint, you can just see how they’re shaped.
“Well, since you’re so smart, you can have it,” Steve said, handing the rock to Laury.
“Why, thank you,” Laury began but was cut off by her scream of pain. As soon as the stone touched her hand waves of pain began ripping through her body. So great was the pain that Laury almost fell over, but she managed to prop herself up on a nearby bench. Laury then stumbled to a tree not far away and put a hand on it to steady herself. Suddenly the pain reached its climax focusing on her head. Laury grabbed her temples and crumpled to the ground. Finally the pain passed and Laury began to rise using the tree for support as if afraid she would fall again. When Laury came to her senses, the first thing she noticed was Steve standing next to her asking if she was all right. “Y-yeah, I-I’m fine.” Laury responded shakily.
“You don’t sound fine,” Steve insisted, leading Laury to the bench so she could sit down.
“I’m all right now,” Laury insisted. “Just a really bad headache but it’s passed now. I swear.
“Okay, if you say so,” Steve replied still sounding worried
“Look, Steve, I’ll prove it,” Laury said.
“Oh, really,” Steve replied crossing his arms, “and how do you plan to do that?”
“Like this,” Laury said eyes twinkling. “Race you home!” and with that, they sprinted off.
When they got home, Laury noticed that the hand that she had touched the stone with was tingling. She looked down to see why, and she saw the image of two human forms that looked like mirror images of each other.

[wi_sam]

Catchy.
but what's with all these lame names ?? I mean ... Martha !!

[Nightmare]

Yeah she doesn't like it ether... what do you mean lame names?

[wi_sam]

You could've given the characters more interesting names.

[Nightmare]

well the point is that there not from some far off world or anything. there just normal kids, but I am looking for potential nicknames for them... so of anything strikes you don't hesitate to ask... in any case you should read the next one, if you viewed it a few hours ago somthing went screwy with my computer and it didn't copy right so I've fixed that now.

[wi_sam]

Originally Posted by Nightmare

well the point is that there not from some far off world or anything. there just normal kids, but I am looking for potential nicknames for them... so of anything strikes you don't hesitate to ask... in any case you should read the next one, if you viewed it a few hours ago somthing went screwy with my computer and it didn't copy right so I've fixed that now.

Sure, why not :)