[Corwin]

let's see, my friend who lived across the street from my, literally, step out my door, walk for 30sec and open his door, he used to come over and visit me all the time, usually every morning when I was trying to sleep, grrr, got killed in a car crash w/ his g/f(she was driving, shame on female drivers :p j/k), and nothing, at his wake, the pastor was a moron, and I'm not saying this to offend anyone who is religious, he really was, got the names wrong, whole story there, ppl were outside smoking blunts and cancer sticks in memory of him, half the dealers in the state were there, they had Sublime playing, "Wrong Way" and that other song that I can never remember the title of that he loved so much, and of course "It's been a while" by I want to say Staind, of course I just sat there somewhat bored, we all went out afterwards to Applebee's and had a great time remember him, we hope that's how he would have wanted us to celebrate his life, at least we're pretty sure he would, and the only thing I took away from it, was that we had a fairly good time all things considered, and if you make enough of an ass of yourself w/ a 20 person party chain smoking, getting drunk, and eating, and management comes over to kick you out, all you need is a few girls crying about how your friend just died and u can get a $800+ combined bill on the house, still no emotional response, when my great grandmother died, I found out before my dad did, not sure how since it was his grandmother, and she died 2 days before, I called to offer my condolences to my father, he didn't know, what did I feel, like an ass for breaking it to him the way I did since I didn't know he didn't know, still nothing, the woman I fell in love w/, who I know was also in love w/ me, got married to someone else(very long story), my emotional response, nil, just wish I had moved faster, and of course I feel bad for her b/c she ended up in a marriage that ended a roughly 6 months later and she became self destructive to punish herself, drinking and letting guys take advantage of her, yeah I miss her, I still love her, but my emotional response, still just about that of a rock, family, friends, loved ones, I just can't bring myself to open the gates of emotion, it makes me wonder if I'll even be able to cry if one of my sisters were to do, god I hope so, but it doesn't look like it, you give me a good book, w/ memorable char's that you can really start getting into, to that point where you care about them, and I might feel more of an emotional response when one of them does then I did for these ppl that I actually knew, now am I the only one who thinks that's kind of sickening?