View Full Version : Poem that I made up.
12-06-2008, 03:26 AM
I look around nothings there brushing in the bushes I look and panick in fear of death but I know death will come, I stare into the last remaining light as I slip into darkness knowing there is no way out, I am consumed and pinatrated by the darkness as I float toward hell my body melting and all my fears coming to life I am swept in to everlasting deppression to were I never return.
Good bye Unrealinting world
12-06-2008, 03:45 AM
Pretty violent, to be honest. I suggest separating your lines into stanzas and reviewing some spelling errors.
12-06-2008, 03:55 AM
I will do that next time this forum seems perfect fo me what did you think bad or good?
12-06-2008, 03:58 AM
It's a little short to convey much other than loneliness. Of course, that's only my opinion; as I know there's many other members who appreciate works like this. Personally, I just have more of the positive/psychological kind of appreciation.
12-06-2008, 04:02 AM
I think I'll try one of those Next.
12-06-2008, 04:03 AM
Don't let me sway you. Do whatever makes the creative juices flow.
12-06-2008, 08:53 AM
There is a certain power in lack of punctuation, but not in spelling mistakes. The "slur of words" works for panic, like this situation displays.
So, you can get away without periods if you really want to...just don't try it every time, because trust me, it usually looks bad. Actually it still "looks" bad here as well, but the idea here is that it "sounds" good.
12-06-2008, 09:11 AM
May be the layout or I'm tired but it seemed to kind of blur together so I had to read it multiple times to get it cause it kept blending and I would lose focus of the point. Or from the lack of punctuation I'm reading it as a long run on sentence and speeding through it in one breath. Add some commas or space it.
12-06-2008, 12:52 PM
there is that better its my first .
12-06-2008, 08:58 PM
O.o pho that was kind of dark
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