New Hope...

[Tsukiko]

So... this is my attempt at something...... a little more happy? Kinda sorta.... Not good at....light mood poetry...


She feels her soul drifting away
As she begs and pleads for him to stay
The only love she's ever known
Her love and affection, he has outgrown.

Now she tends her bleeding heart
From where he had ripped it apart
And when she thought she couldn't cope
There suddenly appeared some hope.

He might not know what he has done
The torment he helped her overcome
He gave her stength and peace of mind
Something she thought she'd never find.

The man before her, kind and wise
And when he looks into her eyes
He seems to melt away the pain
And only happiness remain.

[Raven]

Happy? O.O
A little confusing, is "the man" the same throughout the poem? It sounds like the man in the last stanza is a different person, but he could be the same as the man at the beginning... Nice poem, flows well but it's a little confusing. Plan on submitting any more?

[Tsukiko]

Happy? O.O
A little confusing, is "the man" the same throughout the poem? It sounds like the man in the last stanza is a different person, but he could be the same as the man at the beginning... Nice poem, flows well but it's a little confusing. Plan on submitting any more?


the man in the last stanza is a different person.... i couldn't really figure out how to differeciate the two...since I don't use names. But yeah... I noticed that too. Maybe if I changed it to..... "The newcomer might not know what he has done" maybe.... I dunno

Don't know if I'll submit anymore really.... like I said, this was my attempt at a "happy" poem, and most people don't respond well to the stuff I usually write.

But thank you very much for your response, and opinions. ^_^

[carolyn07]

...yeah!,.i figured it out!,.there are two and the last one had help the gurl overcome with the ex,.

it means,.she love this one,.

oh my gosh!,.its so sweet!,.

i like this!,.i like this!,.♥

[Tsukiko]

...yeah!,.i figured it out!,.there are two and the last one had help the gurl overcome with the ex,.

it means,.she love this one,.

oh my gosh!,.its so sweet!,.

i like this!,.i like this!,.♥



Thank you very much, I'm glad that you liked it ^_^

[KiriJolith]

So... this is my attempt at something...... a little more happy? Kinda sorta.... Not good at....light mood poetry...


She feels her soul drifting away
As she begs and pleads for him to stay
The only love she's ever known
Her love and affection, he has outgrown.

Now she tends her bleeding heart
From where he had ripped it apart
And when she thought she couldn't cope
There suddenly appeared some hope.

He might not know what he has done
The torment he helped her overcome
He gave her stength and peace of mind
Something she thought she'd never find.

The man before her, kind and wise
And when he looks into her eyes
He seems to melt away the pain
And only happiness remain.

Awesome!!!!!!!! All I can say is..... OMG I BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP THIS!!! This is very very good Tsukiko. Keep up the excellent work!

[badluckcat]

great poem :D....

[lemonek]

yeah, i like it a lot. To me there is always hope, as it is said, it dies last.

[meraychan]

nice one...its reli good...^_^

[fazenda]

great...but i thing when you said "There suddenly appeared some hope." i think the words (there suddenly appeared a glimmer of hope) works a little better