Here's a poem by me...

[Tsukiko]

I End My Life


And with this gun
I’ll try to run
Off the demons from within.
Throughout this fight
Although with all my might
I could never seem to win.

Plunged in the dark
Without a spark
Of light to show the way.
I cannot cope
I lose all hope
And my heart fills with dismay.

As my body bleeds
My life recedes
Into the unknown abyss
My shattered soul burned
A harsh lesson learned
Love shouldn’t end like this.

With my last breath
I enter death
Broken and alone.
My frame of mind
I leave behind
My feelings forever unknown.

It was your touch
I missed so much
That caused my sanity to flee.
And now you're gone,
Your life will go on
And I will cease to be.

[soulten]

Why so much poetry like this?
But it was good, and I can easily spot your rhyming pattern. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing, probably neutral. Anyway it was very deep.

[wi_sam]

hay thats really good

[lemonek]

yeah good, sometimes i feel like that

[meraychan]

it's nice but sad...i like it keep it going...^_^

[bluedragon]

good stuff.........like it.......keep up the good work ^ ^

[carolyn07]

...wow!,.

i like it!,.

i realized one thing,.more people here in af are really gifted with good hands!,.

why not me?,.huhuhu!,.♥

[Tsukiko]

Thank you very much, I'm glad that you all like it.:dancing:

[KiriJolith]

Very good job! it's a really deep poem.

[Axe Man]

that was really good but what's with all the depression going around in the poems lately?

[Ryuuzaki]

I'm going against the crowd here and saying that was only okay. Not good, not bad. Okay. Mainly because of the topic. The topic of death, sadness, depression, things of that nature is WAY too overdone. They all just seem to be clones. In case you all don't know, poetry doesn't have to be sad...

[Tsukiko]

I value your opinion, but to say that is it not good because of the subject matter, to me seems a little unfair. Granted poetry of death and sadness appear a little more than usual, these are all apart of life, and more people now a days have a sadness inside that they cannot escape. This is their release. Just my opinion. But I will try and refrain myself from posting something this dark again.

Thanks again for the comments everyone.

[stanmarsh]

Awesome dude! keep it up

[Tsukiko]

Thank you thank you... and it's dudette ^_^

[Ryuuzaki]

I value your opinion, but to say that is it not good because of the subject matter, to me seems a little unfair. Granted poetry of death and sadness appear a little more than usual, these are all apart of life, and more people now a days have a sadness inside that they cannot escape. This is their release. Just my opinion. But I will try and refrain myself from posting something this dark again.

Thanks again for the comments everyone.

I never said that it wasn't good. I said it was okay. There is a difference, and you should learn it. Now, of course, if the subject of that poem was different (meaning not something overdone), then I would have said that it was good.

[Tsukiko]

I never said that it wasn't good. I said it was okay. There is a difference, and you should learn it. Now, of course, if the subject of that poem was different (meaning not something overdone), then I would have said that it was good.


And , as I said before... I value your opinion.... and I was giving mine on the matter, but speaking to me in that tone, I take a little offense to. "There is a difference, and you should learn it" isn't very friendly. People deserve a little more respect than that, don't you think?

[Holly-Sama]

I liked your choice of words. It's very well-written.

[Tsukiko]

Thank you very much!

[Proto]

awesome, keep up the good work - must read MORE!

[Ryuuzaki]

And , as I said before... I value your opinion.... and I was giving mine on the matter, but speaking to me in that tone, I take a little offense to. "There is a difference, and you should learn it" isn't very friendly. People deserve a little more respect than that, don't you think?

I'm not real big on being friendly.

[Tsukiko]

That's too bad.... was kinda hoping we could be friends..... :dead:

[Axe Man]

*thumbs up* :) nicely done