View Full Version : What could I possibly say?
01-13-2008, 10:19 PM
My friend just informed me that her sister has brain cancer.
I can't just say 'hope she gets better!' or 'be thankful for the life she has already had.' From my understanding there is no cure for brain cancer if the tumor is aggressive and in a bad spot. I don't know the details. Her sister has already survived numerous cancers. I fear this is it.
Now she's telling me to tell her something happy. I'm at a loss for words. I told her that it wasn't possible for me to tell her something to make her feel better.
I told her to stay positive. I don't know what to do or say
How should I go about this?
I'm going over her place tomorrow
01-13-2008, 10:23 PM
You can always mention that no matter how bleak it looks, at least she has friends and family around her that care and that is more than a lot of ppl can ever say about their own lives, and that despite everything she has a chance to live her life however short is was, and there are ppl out there worse off depending on your perspective. Another way to go would be to liken death to a journey into another life or existence as many believe, and apparently she's is so mentally advanced that she does not need to continue the journey into this life, and instead is being forwarded to the next, to get a head start on you, and that you will see her when you get there and she can show you around that new world, although explanations like that usually depend upon your own belief in them and how you sell it, if all else fails just keep believing that anime will make her life better and get her a laptop to watch our site on
01-13-2008, 10:29 PM
Yea those are some good things to say actually. I'm horrible at helping people grieve, I always just want to hold them until it's annoying.
I wonder if anime could cure her. It does seem to fix most of life's problems hmmm
I'm too broke for a laptop, but i'll mention this site to her hahah
01-13-2008, 10:47 PM
ur right about anime fixing lives, it's one of those great creations of man, as for helping ppl I know what you mean, when I have to deal w/ them in person I can never figure out what to say, it's only when I'm removed from the situation that I can come up w/ stuff like that, otherwise I just want to hold them, pat them on the back and go "there, there, it will be alright" or some other such useless platitude, I'm always at a loss, especially since when bad stuff like that happens I can barely bring myself to feel anything, I take stuff as it is a little too well, I don't even cry at funerals, I'm kind of just, well that's sad, but shit happens, and I feel horrible about being that way, but if nothing else I'm very well adjusted
01-13-2008, 10:58 PM
Other than being depressed about ones self, i've only ever been sad once. Not because of death, but because I lost my family for a few months. Long story there
I hardly care when people die. Sometimes I force myself to care or look like I'm sympathetic. You're not alone. I can't say that about my parents or siblings though, that's going to rip me apart.
There's nothing to feel horrible about. I feel horrible for people who can't let go
"I feel horrible for people who can't let go"
I shouldn't have said that. Now that I think of it, there's no way I can get by without my families love. Immediate family, funk my uncles and aunts
01-13-2008, 11:09 PM
well you could also tell her that just cause she has cancer doesnt mean anything my lil cousin has had cancer for something like 12 years the doctors gave him like 6 months to live and that was like 11 years ago. i mean he does have tumors everywhere but he still gets on with his life like anyone else. and there is always a chance that itll go into remission
01-13-2008, 11:10 PM
let's see, my friend who lived across the street from my, literally, step out my door, walk for 30sec and open his door, he used to come over and visit me all the time, usually every morning when I was trying to sleep, grrr, got killed in a car crash w/ his g/f(she was driving, shame on female drivers :p j/k), and nothing, at his wake, the pastor was a moron, and I'm not saying this to offend anyone who is religious, he really was, got the names wrong, whole story there, ppl were outside smoking blunts and cancer sticks in memory of him, half the dealers in the state were there, they had Sublime playing, "Wrong Way" and that other song that I can never remember the title of that he loved so much, and of course "It's been a while" by I want to say Staind, of course I just sat there somewhat bored, we all went out afterwards to Applebee's and had a great time remember him, we hope that's how he would have wanted us to celebrate his life, at least we're pretty sure he would, and the only thing I took away from it, was that we had a fairly good time all things considered, and if you make enough of an ass of yourself w/ a 20 person party chain smoking, getting drunk, and eating, and management comes over to kick you out, all you need is a few girls crying about how your friend just died and u can get a $800+ combined bill on the house, still no emotional response, when my great grandmother died, I found out before my dad did, not sure how since it was his grandmother, and she died 2 days before, I called to offer my condolences to my father, he didn't know, what did I feel, like an ass for breaking it to him the way I did since I didn't know he didn't know, still nothing, the woman I fell in love w/, who I know was also in love w/ me, got married to someone else(very long story), my emotional response, nil, just wish I had moved faster, and of course I feel bad for her b/c she ended up in a marriage that ended a roughly 6 months later and she became self destructive to punish herself, drinking and letting guys take advantage of her, yeah I miss her, I still love her, but my emotional response, still just about that of a rock, family, friends, loved ones, I just can't bring myself to open the gates of emotion, it makes me wonder if I'll even be able to cry if one of my sisters were to do, god I hope so, but it doesn't look like it, you give me a good book, w/ memorable char's that you can really start getting into, to that point where you care about them, and I might feel more of an emotional response when one of them does then I did for these ppl that I actually knew, now am I the only one who thinks that's kind of sickening?
01-13-2008, 11:21 PM
i dont think its sicking because you do say that it bothers you a lil you just deal with things internally and dont show the things you feel you deal with it by reading your books or getting yourself busy and taking your mind off it.
01-13-2008, 11:28 PM
Who's to say what's sickening or not? Problems will always seem minuscule if you can grasp the idea that tomorrow will still go on
01-15-2008, 03:29 AM
I lost my father to cancer this past april and I know that everyone's experience with things like this are different but yes it can be very difficult to deal with. Everyone's different with how they deal with things like this and so I'm really not sure what you could say to make your friend feel better, if there's anything at all. If anything you might be able to do something with her that she enjoys and that might help take her mind off things for awhile but nothing is going to just magically make things better. If she needs to cry, comfort her. If she wants to laugh, laugh with her. If anything I would tell your friend that if there is anything she ever wanted to tell her sister to make sure she does. The worst thing for a lot of people is feeling regret because they left something unsaid or undone.
01-18-2008, 09:57 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your father, and I appreciate your advice
I think I've handled things well enough. She thanked me for my time and told me that I had made her feel better.
There are other problems now, but that's another story
01-18-2008, 05:11 PM
Thank you and no problem. I hope everything turns out as well as it possibly can. Peace - Persha
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