Inulove17
08-27-2008, 05:06 PM
Hey guys, I wrote this.. mearly only a chapter of what I have, after I read Twilight.. yes it has vampires and no it's not the same. I like critisism but considering this is a bit more than a rough draft be easy on me, but tell me what you think.
1. Realization
Stretching my arms, I open my coffin. Sitting up, I note a beautiful night ahead. What is this feeling? Weakness, I shake my head maybe but, maybe it’s just thirst. After all it is prime feeding time, yeah this sounds like a plan.
“Abigail, will you come here for a minute?” Within a second, a short, golden blonde haired, blue eyed woman was standing before me, my faithful accomplice. “I am going out for a drink, I will return soon. Can you keep watch over the castle while I am gone?” She nods her head and replies, “Sir, I would be honored. Have a nice evening.”
I grin, “Oh I will.” I say before I exit through the balcony window. I’ve never had a problem with killing the innocent; I even do it for fun! I shrug, hey a vampire needs to live and in order for that to occur dreadful, useless humans have to suffer. It’s only tradition! Plus it’s not like they do anything good in this world but take up space and breathe my precious air.
I look up after a bit, now who is my first victim? Flying past house after house I finally stop at one without any lights on inside. Landing quietly in a tree next to the house I peer into the closest second floor window.
A husband and wife lay cuddled up together in a bed. Disgusting, you have to hate happy endings. Moving to the next window I glance around and find a tasty morsel. There, lying in a bed to the side is a teenage boy fast asleep.
He is smiling, must be a good dream. Well, let’s change it into a nightmare, courtesy of the Lord, me!
Scraping my claws swiftly across the window pane, I make an opening. Removing the piece I slip into the room in a flash, placing the glass to the side. I make my way to the bed placing a hand over the boy’s mouth I move my mouth next to his neck and sink my fangs in.
The thick, warm fluid dances down my throat. Enjoying the moment when I feel the boy start to struggle underneath my grip. I tighten it and feel him go limp. Once finished, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I note a trickle of blood had made its way down the boy’s neck. Not to be forgotten I lick it clean as I did my hand. Delicious!
Tucking the dead one back into bed, I make it look as if nothing happened. Smirking a bit to myself, some dream. I laugh softly and can’t help but think that I am the best for ruining everyone’s good dreams. Full of myself…you could say that, but why shouldn’t I be? I am the Lord of all vampires for crying out loud!
Picking up the glass I move across the room to the window and slither out. I replace the glass and start back to the dark, dreary castle I call home. A perfect night, only a few stars twinkle in the distance. A full moon lights my path as I gaze around. Trees shadow hidden wonders as my eyes pierce through the darkness.
Once I get back in I make my presence known, I am after all the Dark Lord! They should know that I am back, “Abigail!” Moments later she is in front of me again. “Sir you are home! Did you have a great outing?”
“Yes as a matter of fact, it was delicious.” Smiling she responds, “That is simply wonderful! Would you like anything else my Lord?” Thinking to myself, “You know I could use something I just don’t know what that is. For now you are dismissed.” Bowing she hurries out.
What is that something? I don’t feel satisfied, I am not thirsty and yet I still feel weak. The last time I felt weak was before I took control, what’s missing? I know, I’ll go and see my book that will comfort me. Smiling now, I make my way to the innermost chamber on the first floor. In the heart of the castle lies my beloved book in a circular chamber. Guarded by large golden doors, and sitting on a golden pedestal. Golden plated and shining brilliantly, it will surely brighten my night!
Opening the huge doors I can sense that something is not right as well as a new scent, though it’s somewhat familiar. Frantic now as I hope for it to be there where it has always been. Please be there, I don’t know what I would do without it. I hurry over to the golden pedestal only to find it was not topped with my precious book. In its place lay a small heart shaped locket.
“No it’s gone!” I yelp. Before I knew it Abigail was at my side, “What’s wrong my Lord?”
“My book, my soul, its not here!” she gasps, “No, it can’t be gone! Without it my Lord, you are not at your greatest! Sir, I will do everything in my power to find that book! I will not rest until it is in its proper place!” Before I could protest she hurried out of the chamber already raising the alarm.
Still in shock I gaze down at the pedestal. Picking up the locket I turn it around to examine it. There engraved in the back of the locket is the name, Misty Marie Night. That name sounds familiar. I wonder… is that the girl that just recently joined us. She wouldn’t betray me would she? I should have just killed her if I knew she was going to rebel against me. Clearly she is not a worthy candidate for a bride, my thoughts when I changed her. I frown, maybe… but then I would have to train her to behave. That will have to do. I ponder on this for a bit longer before taking matters into my own hands.
“Abigail” In a flash she enters the room. “Yes my Lord, what can I do for you?” Still looking down at the locket I say, “Bring me Misty Night, I don’t think she’s as loyal as she says she is. I have a few questions to ask her.” Nodding she replies, “Yes my Lord, right away.”
A few minutes pass before she reenters, dragging Misty by her arm. “Thank you Abigail, you may presume the search now.” Releasing Misty she bows and leaves the room.
Still holding the locket I show Misty. She squeaks in horror. I raise my eyebrows, so she might know about the book after all. I move in closer circling her like she is my next meal until I am right at her ear. “Darling, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find my precious book, now would you?” I whisper hearing her swallow hard, “My Lord” she says shakily, and “I don’t know what you are talking about. Your book is gone? You are not at your best when it is missing.” I sigh, playing dumb is she? I can fix that. “Well my dear if you are positive that you don’t know where the book is then why did I find your locket in its place?”
I can see her trembling now as she replies, “My Lord that locket is mine, I won’t disagree with that, but I did not have it on when you…” she pauses, “When you bit me. It is the locket that my mother gave to me when I was younger.” She pauses again, probably choosing her words carefully. “Whoever has your book has access to my room; I only keep that hidden in my jewelry box, in a secret compartment locker away.”
Smiling in contempt now I reply, “You have a sibling, yes, a brother perhaps?” She moves her gaze to her feet and almost whispers, “Yes, my Lord, I do have a brother.” Excellent, I know where to find the book! “Before I dismiss you honey, what is his name?” Still staring at the ground she mumbles, “Corbin sir, Corbin Night.” Taking her head in my hands I make her eyes meet mine, “Darling, I will spare your life, for now. Hurry along and don’t go and try anything stupid won’t you? If you try just the slightest to escape I will end your life, painfully, okay?”
“Yes my Lord, I will stay put, sir.” Nodding to myself, “That’s a good girl, now go.” Bowing she leaves the chamber. A tiny bit of doubt clouds my mind as I watch her go. She’s too much trouble for a newly turned vampire, why didn’t I kill her? Oh that’s right, she has potential. Some of the strongest, smartest vampires start out as she has. She will be the perfect queen for a Lord, if I do say so myself.
That brother of hers, he is that little twit that cornered one of my followers so long ago, and ran when he saw my shadow! He is a pushover, clearly an easy target to catch and kill! Once he is out of the way I can get on with my eternal life a bit more easily. He will be one less human to worry about, always one who had me sleeping with one eye open. Regardless of the protection in this place... which I can see now has to be heightened. The countless number of humans who would love to see me dead continues to grow as well… though they may not know the real culprit for the deaths of their family members, but hey they had it coming to them! I suppose none of this should bother me due to my infinite power, but you can never be too sure when you have so many after your head.
I have a plan! I will call on my faithful slaves to do my biddings! “Clayton, Jasper, get in here now!” Within moments, two gangly looking men were standing before me. Clayton was tall, with pure black hair, and dark green eyes. Standing next to him was a shorter man, with brown hair and blue eyes, his partner, Jasper.
“I have a job for you two.” Looking eager, Clayton replies, “Yes my Lord, what would you like us to do? Kill someone perhaps?” Smiling I reply, “No, but I do want you two to find the brother of Misty Night. He has stolen my book and I want him and the book brought back to me alive, and in one piece. I want to cause him a terribly painful death myself.” They nod, “You are dismissed.”
Pausing, Jasper asks, “Wait my Lord, what does he look like, and where can we find him?” I did forget something, man I need my book back, “Right, well his name is Corbin Night, he has blue eyes and short brown hair. He lives at Twelve Sunset Avenue. Now go.” They bow and leave the room.
Too much stress in one night I think placing a hand to my head, “Abigail.” Once more she is before me in seconds. “I am going back to my coffin to rest. I have had enough stress to last me a lifetime. Keep everything in order and quiet please. Oh and keep an eye on that Misty girl, I want her here and alive. She may prove worthy yet.”
“Yes my Lord, I will do as you say, have a great rest!” She bows and leaves the room, which leaves me alone. That Abigail, I’m glad she’s always there when I need her. Still holding the locket, I bring it up to my room and place it next to my coffin.
Making myself comfortable, I pull the cover back to its place onto of my coffin. Plunging me into the darkness once more, slipping deeper and deeper into a dead like state of sleep.
1. Realization
Stretching my arms, I open my coffin. Sitting up, I note a beautiful night ahead. What is this feeling? Weakness, I shake my head maybe but, maybe it’s just thirst. After all it is prime feeding time, yeah this sounds like a plan.
“Abigail, will you come here for a minute?” Within a second, a short, golden blonde haired, blue eyed woman was standing before me, my faithful accomplice. “I am going out for a drink, I will return soon. Can you keep watch over the castle while I am gone?” She nods her head and replies, “Sir, I would be honored. Have a nice evening.”
I grin, “Oh I will.” I say before I exit through the balcony window. I’ve never had a problem with killing the innocent; I even do it for fun! I shrug, hey a vampire needs to live and in order for that to occur dreadful, useless humans have to suffer. It’s only tradition! Plus it’s not like they do anything good in this world but take up space and breathe my precious air.
I look up after a bit, now who is my first victim? Flying past house after house I finally stop at one without any lights on inside. Landing quietly in a tree next to the house I peer into the closest second floor window.
A husband and wife lay cuddled up together in a bed. Disgusting, you have to hate happy endings. Moving to the next window I glance around and find a tasty morsel. There, lying in a bed to the side is a teenage boy fast asleep.
He is smiling, must be a good dream. Well, let’s change it into a nightmare, courtesy of the Lord, me!
Scraping my claws swiftly across the window pane, I make an opening. Removing the piece I slip into the room in a flash, placing the glass to the side. I make my way to the bed placing a hand over the boy’s mouth I move my mouth next to his neck and sink my fangs in.
The thick, warm fluid dances down my throat. Enjoying the moment when I feel the boy start to struggle underneath my grip. I tighten it and feel him go limp. Once finished, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I note a trickle of blood had made its way down the boy’s neck. Not to be forgotten I lick it clean as I did my hand. Delicious!
Tucking the dead one back into bed, I make it look as if nothing happened. Smirking a bit to myself, some dream. I laugh softly and can’t help but think that I am the best for ruining everyone’s good dreams. Full of myself…you could say that, but why shouldn’t I be? I am the Lord of all vampires for crying out loud!
Picking up the glass I move across the room to the window and slither out. I replace the glass and start back to the dark, dreary castle I call home. A perfect night, only a few stars twinkle in the distance. A full moon lights my path as I gaze around. Trees shadow hidden wonders as my eyes pierce through the darkness.
Once I get back in I make my presence known, I am after all the Dark Lord! They should know that I am back, “Abigail!” Moments later she is in front of me again. “Sir you are home! Did you have a great outing?”
“Yes as a matter of fact, it was delicious.” Smiling she responds, “That is simply wonderful! Would you like anything else my Lord?” Thinking to myself, “You know I could use something I just don’t know what that is. For now you are dismissed.” Bowing she hurries out.
What is that something? I don’t feel satisfied, I am not thirsty and yet I still feel weak. The last time I felt weak was before I took control, what’s missing? I know, I’ll go and see my book that will comfort me. Smiling now, I make my way to the innermost chamber on the first floor. In the heart of the castle lies my beloved book in a circular chamber. Guarded by large golden doors, and sitting on a golden pedestal. Golden plated and shining brilliantly, it will surely brighten my night!
Opening the huge doors I can sense that something is not right as well as a new scent, though it’s somewhat familiar. Frantic now as I hope for it to be there where it has always been. Please be there, I don’t know what I would do without it. I hurry over to the golden pedestal only to find it was not topped with my precious book. In its place lay a small heart shaped locket.
“No it’s gone!” I yelp. Before I knew it Abigail was at my side, “What’s wrong my Lord?”
“My book, my soul, its not here!” she gasps, “No, it can’t be gone! Without it my Lord, you are not at your greatest! Sir, I will do everything in my power to find that book! I will not rest until it is in its proper place!” Before I could protest she hurried out of the chamber already raising the alarm.
Still in shock I gaze down at the pedestal. Picking up the locket I turn it around to examine it. There engraved in the back of the locket is the name, Misty Marie Night. That name sounds familiar. I wonder… is that the girl that just recently joined us. She wouldn’t betray me would she? I should have just killed her if I knew she was going to rebel against me. Clearly she is not a worthy candidate for a bride, my thoughts when I changed her. I frown, maybe… but then I would have to train her to behave. That will have to do. I ponder on this for a bit longer before taking matters into my own hands.
“Abigail” In a flash she enters the room. “Yes my Lord, what can I do for you?” Still looking down at the locket I say, “Bring me Misty Night, I don’t think she’s as loyal as she says she is. I have a few questions to ask her.” Nodding she replies, “Yes my Lord, right away.”
A few minutes pass before she reenters, dragging Misty by her arm. “Thank you Abigail, you may presume the search now.” Releasing Misty she bows and leaves the room.
Still holding the locket I show Misty. She squeaks in horror. I raise my eyebrows, so she might know about the book after all. I move in closer circling her like she is my next meal until I am right at her ear. “Darling, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find my precious book, now would you?” I whisper hearing her swallow hard, “My Lord” she says shakily, and “I don’t know what you are talking about. Your book is gone? You are not at your best when it is missing.” I sigh, playing dumb is she? I can fix that. “Well my dear if you are positive that you don’t know where the book is then why did I find your locket in its place?”
I can see her trembling now as she replies, “My Lord that locket is mine, I won’t disagree with that, but I did not have it on when you…” she pauses, “When you bit me. It is the locket that my mother gave to me when I was younger.” She pauses again, probably choosing her words carefully. “Whoever has your book has access to my room; I only keep that hidden in my jewelry box, in a secret compartment locker away.”
Smiling in contempt now I reply, “You have a sibling, yes, a brother perhaps?” She moves her gaze to her feet and almost whispers, “Yes, my Lord, I do have a brother.” Excellent, I know where to find the book! “Before I dismiss you honey, what is his name?” Still staring at the ground she mumbles, “Corbin sir, Corbin Night.” Taking her head in my hands I make her eyes meet mine, “Darling, I will spare your life, for now. Hurry along and don’t go and try anything stupid won’t you? If you try just the slightest to escape I will end your life, painfully, okay?”
“Yes my Lord, I will stay put, sir.” Nodding to myself, “That’s a good girl, now go.” Bowing she leaves the chamber. A tiny bit of doubt clouds my mind as I watch her go. She’s too much trouble for a newly turned vampire, why didn’t I kill her? Oh that’s right, she has potential. Some of the strongest, smartest vampires start out as she has. She will be the perfect queen for a Lord, if I do say so myself.
That brother of hers, he is that little twit that cornered one of my followers so long ago, and ran when he saw my shadow! He is a pushover, clearly an easy target to catch and kill! Once he is out of the way I can get on with my eternal life a bit more easily. He will be one less human to worry about, always one who had me sleeping with one eye open. Regardless of the protection in this place... which I can see now has to be heightened. The countless number of humans who would love to see me dead continues to grow as well… though they may not know the real culprit for the deaths of their family members, but hey they had it coming to them! I suppose none of this should bother me due to my infinite power, but you can never be too sure when you have so many after your head.
I have a plan! I will call on my faithful slaves to do my biddings! “Clayton, Jasper, get in here now!” Within moments, two gangly looking men were standing before me. Clayton was tall, with pure black hair, and dark green eyes. Standing next to him was a shorter man, with brown hair and blue eyes, his partner, Jasper.
“I have a job for you two.” Looking eager, Clayton replies, “Yes my Lord, what would you like us to do? Kill someone perhaps?” Smiling I reply, “No, but I do want you two to find the brother of Misty Night. He has stolen my book and I want him and the book brought back to me alive, and in one piece. I want to cause him a terribly painful death myself.” They nod, “You are dismissed.”
Pausing, Jasper asks, “Wait my Lord, what does he look like, and where can we find him?” I did forget something, man I need my book back, “Right, well his name is Corbin Night, he has blue eyes and short brown hair. He lives at Twelve Sunset Avenue. Now go.” They bow and leave the room.
Too much stress in one night I think placing a hand to my head, “Abigail.” Once more she is before me in seconds. “I am going back to my coffin to rest. I have had enough stress to last me a lifetime. Keep everything in order and quiet please. Oh and keep an eye on that Misty girl, I want her here and alive. She may prove worthy yet.”
“Yes my Lord, I will do as you say, have a great rest!” She bows and leaves the room, which leaves me alone. That Abigail, I’m glad she’s always there when I need her. Still holding the locket, I bring it up to my room and place it next to my coffin.
Making myself comfortable, I pull the cover back to its place onto of my coffin. Plunging me into the darkness once more, slipping deeper and deeper into a dead like state of sleep.