weaning

[Nahmu]

the most common use of the term "weaning" is when breast feeding mothers wean their babies away from the breast in order for them to start using the bottle. the term itself means to withdraw (a person, the affections, one's dependency, etc.) from some object, habit, form of enjoyment, or the like.

i currently find myself tormented with the idea of being weaned. i will explain. i have hit a rough spot in my relationship and despite my efforts to correct any wrongs, i feel that my significant other is slowly pushing me away. withdrawing everything from the loving words once uttered, to the physical pleasures of our relationship. Her body language, word usage, priorities and the like all point to a decline in our once very happy lives together.

since i am not a newborn, i can realize what is happening. the position i am put in looks at an incredibly possible destruction of our relationship and yet i am bound too it and find at the same time that i cannot let go despite all of the warning signs. also, i have yet to be able to discuss this issue as to not put more pressure which may quicken the weaning process and bring on said destruction before we've had a chance to work things out.

any thoughts?

[leerock89]

Well you have some options. You can end it yourself now. It'll be really really hard but if the other doesn't want to be with you anymore you should be man enough to end it for both of your sakes. Or you can try to win her back. You know her best and you know what she loves. Both are really hard roads and all of it starts with a conversation. You should figure out what shes feeling and thinking before anything else happens. One question, do you guys have kids?

[Nahmu]

thanks for answering so quickly. luckily, no kids are involved. as to your options, i cannot end something which i have so much hope for. this situation has been slowly been getting worse over the past weeks, but despite how much it sucks, it feels like it must be her who ends it. as for winning her back, i have been everything i thought she wanted but i can't remedy a situation i know not the cause of.

it occurs to me that productive conversation would be the best solution, but it seems like it could be also a catalyst that quickens the end before all possibilities can be exhausted.

[leerock89]

Well if she feels like it needs to be over you need to talk. Otherwise its going to turn very pitiful and sad. How sure are you that she wants to end this?

[Nahmu]

not sure in the least bit. she's just been pulling back on her affections and the relationship has grown a lot colder, but there have been no direct indications of her wanting it to end... just cold shoulder implications like she is furthering herself from me as to make the eventual parting supposedly easier... that is my impression, anyway.

[leerock89]

Did you forget something important? Do something wrong and she know about it?

[monsoon 10]

any thoughts?

Kill her and wear her as a skin suit. Crisis averted.

[analogZero]

I can empathize with you here, both presently and from past experience. My previous girlfriend and I had been together for about 3+ years. we went to school together, got our first apartment together, and I've never felt more comfortable around anybody my whole life. But it managed to just slip out of our hands. things got distant, we didn't spend as much time together, and eventually it just ended. We are to this day best of friends, and I'm glad beyond anything that I didn't lose that, but in my opinion there's little i could've done to alter what happened between us. The tower came down, and we decided to keep what we could of it standing. It could've crushed me I'm sure, but it's better than just watching it fall.
right now, my current girlfriend lives a mild distance from me. ie many subways and buses into the suburbs of a metropolitan city. I haven't seen her since the first days of april for whatever reason I can't squeeze out of her. She always claims to be busy, though it seems rather suspect that she has absolutely no time to see me over the course of 2 months all of a sudden. I'd break it off if I could only manage to see her, but even that's not happening because she always throws out that she's got something else to do. I'd rather not be a modern day dick and break up with her through a text message, but what else am I supposed to do.
"the gulf that separates man from woman is broader and deeper than any ocean. and woman will always be on a distant shore."

[monsoon 10]

I'd rather not be a modern day dick and break up with her through a text message, but what else am I supposed to do.


You're right Email is the way to go.

[analogZero]

You're right Email is the way to go.

word up, or facebook her ass. I'll post my break up on her wall

[monsoon 10]

word up, or facebook her ass. I'll post my break up on her wall

I agree, but after that is done sent a picture of the screen on her wall where you broke up and send it to all her friends and family.

[Nahmu]

Did you forget something important? Do something wrong and she know about it?

as far as I can tell, the only reason for the disruption in our once happy relationship is that she feels stuck. it isn't so much the case that i am the one making her unhappy, but that she would rather be living a life with less attachments than now. of course it's hard not to take it that personally when you only become another string to her. i think she's just anxious to do so much with her life and since i have a more permanent situation on my hands, she wants to do away with her attachment to me and thus my semi-permanent lifestyle.

[Nahmu]

I can empathize with you here, both presently and from past experience. My previous girlfriend and I had been together for about 3+ years. we went to school together, got our first apartment together, and I've never felt more comfortable around anybody my whole life. But it managed to just slip out of our hands. things got distant, we didn't spend as much time together, and eventually it just ended. We are to this day best of friends, and I'm glad beyond anything that I didn't lose that, but in my opinion there's little i could've done to alter what happened between us. The tower came down, and we decided to keep what we could of it standing. It could've crushed me I'm sure, but it's better than just watching it fall.

ouch, i feel for you. i know that my situation is similar to yours in that she is and i have been together since school and she will always be one of my closest friends... but the emotional pull that i have towards her is one more than that of a friend. i do not want what we have to erode away and i feel helpless watching the most beautiful connection i have ever had slowly fall apart. :|

[Sun Tzu]

the most common use of the term "weaning" is when breast feeding mothers wean their babies away from the breast in order for them to start using the bottle. the term itself means to withdraw (a person, the affections, one's dependency, etc.) from some object, habit, form of enjoyment, or the like.

i currently find myself tormented with the idea of being weaned. i will explain. i have hit a rough spot in my relationship and despite my efforts to correct any wrongs, i feel that my significant other is slowly pushing me away. withdrawing everything from the loving words once uttered, to the physical pleasures of our relationship. Her body language, word usage, priorities and the like all point to a decline in our once very happy lives together.

since i am not a newborn, i can realize what is happening. the position i am put in looks at an incredibly possible destruction of our relationship and yet i am bound too it and find at the same time that i cannot let go despite all of the warning signs. also, i have yet to be able to discuss this issue as to not put more pressure which may quicken the weaning process and bring on said destruction before we've had a chance to work things out.

any thoughts?

Nahmu man... damn this problem is indeed a stickler. At times like this you are fighting an uphill battle, on the one hand you love her, and on the other she has seen a problem in the relationship and wants to move away. Though it should be reassuring to you that she at least feels a strong connection and cant stand to yank herself off yet.

That is good, you can use that. Now I understand you fear about hurrying this problem to a climax, but as you can probably tell, the end of the road you are currently on has an undesirable finish. The most you can do my friend is hurry up the climax while you swtill have an emotional hold over her. Nothing like watching a relationship whither and die and not being able to do anything about it.

So the advice I have for you is some you have already discovered, talk to her, find out the problem, and then offer to do the best you can to fix it. Its better to do it now, before the wound that you have inflicted upon each other has time to fester and decay. Tell her of your concerns and ask for hers, either she will accept them and you two will turn your relationship around, or she will break up with you, and that will happen sooner or later, try to make it sooner while you two can part on amiable terms.

Remember man, every day you wait increases the chances that she will break up with you instead of trying to fix it. She loves you man, that much is obvious, its up to you to take the action to correct the course.

[leerock89]

Heres some more solutions. Become rich, filthy rich. Or change your personality. Whatever you decide to do you got a hard road in front of you meng, and the best I can offer is a good luck. But, Ive said this so many times in the forum, stop talking and start acting. Your not going to get far here or anywhere else except with action. GO

[partyprobe]

Wait im kind of at a loss for words. This topic has to be the weirdest i have seen yet. Yes there are people talking in her but wow this amazes me.

[leerock89]

If your having trouble understanding then you must be here just to add post counts.

[partyprobe]

No i want to try to understand but the conversation is confusing i read the previous page and was wondering what is going on because i try to be active with all aspects of this website.

[leerock89]

It really really really really really isnt that hard to understand. If you really need it to be explained to you, guy and girl are in love. Then girl starts to show signs of not wanting to be together anymore. Guy is stricken by the idea and wants advice. Everyone else has been doing that while you sit there saying you dont understand. Please clarify what you do not understand.

[monsoon 10]

It really really really really really isnt that hard to understand. If you really need it to be explained to you, guy and girl are in love. Then girl starts to show signs of not wanting to be together anymore. Guy is stricken by the idea and wants advice. Everyone else has been doing that while you sit there saying you dont understand. Please clarify what you do not understand.

Hey you don't know if she ever did love him or was just their for a ride or hanged around him even though she had no great emotional entailment attached.

[leerock89]

Well I don't think someone could lead another person to the point of them thinking it was the most beautiful thing they have ever experienced. Well unless the other is really really dense.

[monsoon 10]

Well I don't think someone could lead another person to the point of them thinking it was the most beautiful thing they have ever experienced. Well unless the other is really really dense.

Or were so indifferent to that other person they didn't care what they thought as long as they were having a good time.

[Nahmu]

i would hope that neither of us are dense or indifferent but my perceptions about my own emotional state is pretty biased, lol.

an update on my situation and also in regards to sun tzu's advice, i have tried to talk to her. it was uncomfortable, but followed by a silence that dwarfed any awkwardness previous to that. in short, she did not want to talk about it, said she was confused and didn't know what to think. i doubt it's for lack of understanding, this situation has been staring us both in the face for too long and i'm certain that each of us has thought about it extensively, yet she wont talk...

so the turmoil continues... by the way, thank you all for offering your advice, i really appreciate it.

[leerock89]

No problem meng. We do try to help. And that new news sounds iffy too. She didn't want to say anything? Maybe she wasn't expecting it.

[analogZero]

If a girl says she's confused, then she at least knows what's going on. she has all her marbles in one sack, they're just mixed around. you, my friend aren't even allowed to see the marbles.

I'd just like to take this time to make sure everyone loves my marble analogy:D

Point being, if that's her quote then she has something to say, she just doesn't want to cause damage. it seems to me that the two of you are afraid of each other. either force yourselves open or get some foam bats and start going to town on one another, because at this rate it sounds like you're both doomed to inevitability.

[Nahmu]

If a girl says she's confused, then she at least knows what's going on....

ha! i will agree to that; always saying one thing and meaning another...

she just doesn't want to cause damage. it seems to me that the two of you are afraid of each other. either force yourselves open or get some foam bats and start going to town on one another, because at this rate it sounds like you're both doomed to inevitability.

i must be missing something because when i look at our situation, the only fault i see is her struggle to stay in one place. i know there must be something i am doing for this problem to have gotten so out of hand, besides not see it coming, but all i see is her struggling to stay put. so if she didn't want to cause any damage, wouldn't she just relax and be alright with us? because i was fine, and i thought everything was going well until all of a sudden the relationship became strained.

i may take up your foam bats idea. we'll see.

[analogZero]

it's in reference to you confrontation. you two are afraid to collide because you think you'll shatter. but if you're made of soft stuff covered in glue then perhaps you have a chance to stay together.

I'd like to take a little time out again to let everyone appreciate my overly simplistic analogies.
smiles friends...smiles

She may be struggling to stay cooped up or however you may want to put it. However, if she has something to say, but won't spit it out, the closest option (and the one most people take when faced with a difficult situation) is to run. My WORST relationship ended when my girlfriend decided to just stop talking to me, and I had to find out months later that she started seeing another guy and didn't bother to tell me because it was too much for her to handle. It may seems selfish to avoid a situation, and that's because it is. That's why I say if there's something to be said, squeeze it out and don't be afraid of the ramifications. It could be bad, who knows. It could be something as simple as she feels 'lost in life' or something, which is an easy enough thing to help her through. If you have the capacity for mercy and forgiveness then you can surely make it through any hardship.

[Nahmu]

update: she had a very long time to herself the other day and said that she realized that she was overreacting to a situation and creating an unnecessary rift in the relationship. we had one of the best nights together we've had in a while... hanging out... you know. :P

in any case, things have been a lot happier lately. thank you, forum people, for not telling me to act on the impulses that kept throbbing from my head to my heart. however, if something goes terribly awry from here on out, you will know about it.

thanks!

[leerock89]

Good Luck and Have Fun!

[monsoon 10]

update: she had a very long time to herself the other day and said that she realized that she was overreacting to a situation and creating an unnecessary rift in the relationship. we had one of the best nights together we've had in a while... hanging out... you know. :P

It's fine to type "We had consensual carnal pleasure with each other" in this forum.

[analogZero]

good to hear

It's fine to type "We had consensual carnal pleasure with each other" in this forum.

I feel violated now.