starscream
07-18-2009, 10:22 PM
An Alcoholic's Torture
As I go through my days
Acting as if I am happy
Making people laugh
Because when they laugh
no questions are asked.
They oblivious to the true nature
of who I am. I cherish every
moment alone
just myself no one else.
I long to reach for
that warm bottle of apathy.
To sink inside myself
to just be and nothing more.
To not care as life passes.
To kill feelings
that are a nuscience to my being.
For if I have them
then I must become involved in the world.
I must face them
and have them.
Some may find it funny
to be scared of love
of anger
of happiness
of sadness
of all the feelings
we flawed beings
are forced to have.
I hate these feelings
these constant reminders
that I do feel something.
For when I released my friend,
the bottle of liquid apathy,
these reminders visit often.
I now realize what
I have been missing.
All that time wasted.
When I think of picking up
a drink again to feel the
warm comfortable feeling
of loneliness again.
I cry
For I am torn between
wanting it
and wanting to be
a part of the world.
As I go through my days
Acting as if I am happy
Making people laugh
Because when they laugh
no questions are asked.
They oblivious to the true nature
of who I am. I cherish every
moment alone
just myself no one else.
I long to reach for
that warm bottle of apathy.
To sink inside myself
to just be and nothing more.
To not care as life passes.
To kill feelings
that are a nuscience to my being.
For if I have them
then I must become involved in the world.
I must face them
and have them.
Some may find it funny
to be scared of love
of anger
of happiness
of sadness
of all the feelings
we flawed beings
are forced to have.
I hate these feelings
these constant reminders
that I do feel something.
For when I released my friend,
the bottle of liquid apathy,
these reminders visit often.
I now realize what
I have been missing.
All that time wasted.
When I think of picking up
a drink again to feel the
warm comfortable feeling
of loneliness again.
I cry
For I am torn between
wanting it
and wanting to be
a part of the world.