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View Full Version : Last One Standing Wins: Part One


Memorix
04-16-2009, 11:19 PM
I guess we brought this fate upon ourselves. Our own desire for power and wealth blinded us and quickly lead us to where we are today. The year was 3128. Every country seemed to have built up its military strength and weapons supplies. No one could be trusted, allies had become enemies, and enemies became everyone's worst nightmares. Countries would attack each other for no reason at all. Civilans were seen as targets, no one was safe. This went on for several years.

Finally, the world couldn't handle itself anymore. In a single day, half the world seemed to be blown away by nuclear fire. What people survived hid inside shelters and bunkers for safety. When they came out, they were greeted by " Them ". Those abominations known as Lamia. They only saw us as food and killed us and devoured us whenever they got the chance. What little communication remained was used to warn everyone that was still alive about these things. Slowly though, people began fighting back agianst these things. Soon after people began fighting back, a group of people of joined together and started an army known as " W.D.C. " to help fight agianst the Lamia. It started out with only twenty people at first but soon grew. After four years, the W.D.C. had at least 3,750 soldiers. Now it has 8,000 soldiers. But no matter how many people start fighting agianst these things, they always out number us. There were always reinforcements arriving to help these things, but no one could ever figure out where they were coming from. We soon learned that they were building nest and tunnel systems underground that helped them enter a battle without being seen. Ever since we've been destroying as many nest as possible trying to kill off the population of the Lamia. Even after we've wiped out countless Lamia and nest, and won many battles agianst these things, were still losing the war. People are dying quicker than before and these things have become stronger than ever. How much longer will it be before we destroy these things? That I'm not certain... But at this rate we'll be wiped completely away by the Lamia... It's only a matter of time...


( sorry if this is a little boring, but i'm trying to explain the story so far before getting into any action or true storyline. If you have any questions or comments about the story feel free to ask. Hope you're at least interested so far, and i'm currently making the second part! )

ChronosXII
04-17-2009, 02:54 AM
Not bad! You've obviously put a lot of thought into it, and (unlike many people) you have a decent understanding of the English language and how it works. If there's anything I can recommend, it would be reading a few books by other authors that have some similar story-lines in their books. The one I would recommend is the Vampire Earth series by E.E. Knight. However, if you don't have the time, money or method to go pick a book up then then all I could suggest is that for the connecting of this part and the next you should almost "zoom in" on the next part. What I mean is this:

"But at this rate we'll be wiped completely away by the Lamia... It's only a matter of time..." I thought to myself as (enter immediate setting and/or main characters actions here).

Of course, maybe this contradicts your writing style and if so then just subtly forget I said anything.^_^

Memorix
04-17-2009, 03:06 AM
Not bad! You've obviously put a lot of thought into it, and (unlike many people) you have a decent understanding of the English language and how it works. If there's anything I can recommend, it would be reading a few books by other authors that have some similar story-lines in their books. The one I would recommend is the Vampire Earth series by E.E. Knight. However, if you don't have the time, money or method to go pick a book up then then all I could suggest is that for the connecting of this part and the next you should almost "zoom in" on the next part. What I mean is this:

"But at this rate we'll be wiped completely away by the Lamia... It's only a matter of time..." I thought to myself as (enter immediate setting and/or main characters actions here).

Of course, maybe this contradicts your writing style and if so then just subtly forget I said anything.^_^

Hahaha... I'm actualy writing a back story for the setting and characters as well as a back story for the Lamia..

2nd legacy
04-17-2009, 09:58 PM
intro sounds interesting

KIRA_god
04-17-2009, 11:17 PM
oo i absolutly love this, very nice, from one writter to another i can tell ou its well written.

starscream
04-17-2009, 11:31 PM
Can't wait for next installment

Fox Girl
04-18-2009, 12:21 AM
I really like your story so far...sadly I haven't even put anymore of my story up yet but I guess I will do that sometime soon. Keep up the good work! ^^

Inuyasha50
04-18-2009, 03:20 AM
Nice story, i give it a 1000 out of 10, that is better than usual!!!!! Way to go!!!

metalshell
04-19-2009, 01:22 AM
that is so awesome!:eyes:
i just can't wait to read the second part.:happy:

SmokedBoo
04-19-2009, 07:04 PM
Very nice piece. This is definitely a nice change to the stories I've seen in here. If this is the story you were considering discontinuing I would advise you do not do so. I would be sad that such talent was wasted. This story has great potential and you don't get that feeling alot in just the introduction to the setting. This has actually left me wanting more and I seriously want to see what you have cooked up for the next part. If you decide that you want to continue makes sure you message me about the update as I don't usually come here.

Gerome07
04-20-2009, 08:57 PM
Hmmm ur storywas interesting because i felt like i was watching a resident evil move

Memorix
04-20-2009, 09:00 PM
Lol, i was influenced by a lot of stuff before i decided to write this so that might be one of the things that gave me an idea...

coconikki
04-20-2009, 10:59 PM
I love it!! I can already tell this will be a wonderful story. You are an amazing writer!!!

I'm a Bitch
04-20-2009, 11:15 PM
i liked it ... not boring at all ... ::D:

atomsk
04-20-2009, 11:47 PM
Very nice. not expected of an anime forum. I like it, nice structure and you build a base of understanding for the reader, leave them hooked. VERY GOOD WORK!

You do get repetitive with the language though, try not using "things" so much.

minato2085
04-21-2009, 08:32 PM
hehe not bad tc...not bad at all ^^

Nightmare
04-21-2009, 08:41 PM
I enjoyed it, it sounds like a zombi movie which is admited ly not my cup of tea but I'll give it a chance.

Memorix
04-21-2009, 08:44 PM
It's not supposed to be a zombie-like story but the intro might have been a bit misleading..

CryticX
04-21-2009, 09:53 PM
Sounds like a combination of Fallout 3 and The Time Machine by H.G Wells, still decently written and kept me reading, maybe a little to fast-to-the-point type story?

cutieB
04-22-2009, 12:08 AM
I liked it it's interesting.keep writing

wi_sam
04-22-2009, 12:35 AM
Creative and well written .... nice work !

ricecake
04-23-2009, 11:47 PM
Nice intro!!! Cant wait to see where this story goes. Keep up the great work

vinkie35
08-08-2009, 06:57 PM
i don't read allot of creative writings but i really liked this one
good job :) and keep on writing good stuff!

gdfer
08-12-2009, 04:00 PM
well is interesting, it will be a great history when it is finished