~*~ Awesome One Liners ~*~

[AkiTorrien]

Given the inspiration from my signature I have decided to make this thread. It doesn't in general have to be a one liner or It can be an action. Pretty much if you have read or heard something funny, post it here!!

[xXWENWENXx]

'I'm a retarded version of myself.'
'The fat guy is dying of a heat stroke'

[Bee_Chan]

If God Gives You Lemons,
You Find A New God.

[kitty-kat]

"Big Mama? Is that another flashlight under there." (movie Big Mama's House)

[puppetz]

"hey man your bleeding. hmph i aint got time to bleed" - predator

" i live my life a quarter mile at a time. nothing else matters. not the shop or the crew and their problems. for those seven seconds or less... im free." - the fast and the furious.

"what you mean you aint got my money yet? bitch you better be coming up with my cash" samuel l jackson

[LoKiWorlD]

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."
~William Congreve

"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Axe Man]

"You'll never stop the real napster" (italian job)

[atomsk]

car havoc and let slip the hounds of war

[LoKiWorlD]

"I'm your sparring partner, not your damn foreign enemy!!"
~Penitentiary II

[Bee_Chan]

They'll Run As Fast As kenyans
People Will Watch Them Running And Think They're kenyans
They'll Run As Fast As kenyans
Against Actual kenyans
And It Will Be A Tie And They'll Get Deported Back To kenyaaa

[Axe Man]

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Airplane!
Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet, Space Balls
Glue... very powerful stuff.
The Blues Brothers

[AkiTorrien]

"oh God Another Magikarp!!!!!" ~ Youtube video - marriland

[atomsk]

when you meet an asshole it takes 42 muscles to frown. it only takes 4 to reach out and bitch slap the motherfucker

[Axe Man]

"How do you know my dimwitted inexperience isn't really a subtle form of manipulation used to lower peoples expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to maneuver myself within any given situation?" -- Scream 2

[Bee_Chan]

"My plan was PERFECT, but there was one thing I overlooked. One factor I failed to calculate. He's a Dumbass. And there's no accounting for dumbass-ness."

[AkiTorrien]

"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. "

"I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. "

"Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? "

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

[wi_sam]

" Who the hell are you ?? " ~ Bart Simpson

" I didn't do it " ~ Bart Simson

[atomsk]

most anything said by terry pratchet:
http://www.quotatio.com/p/pratchett-terry-quotes.html

[Shi-chan]

I can't believe it isnt here yet.

"Make my day..." ~Clint Eastwood.

It's the ultimate one-liner.

[newm3ss1ah]

Yippee-ki-yay... motherfucker! Bruce Willis

[Mugen]

'I'm a retarded version of myself.'
'The fat guy is dying of a heat stroke'

They sucked ass.

[shadow16]

If Vodka Was Water And I Was Duck I'd Swim To The Bottom And Never Come Up But Vodkas Not Water And I'm Not A Duck So Swim So Slide Me A Bottle And Shut The Fuck Up

Sex Is Like Air Its Not Really That Important Until Ur Not Getting Any

Sex Is Like Math Add The Bed Subtract The Clothes Divide The Legs And Pray To God You Don't Multiply

Your 90% Of The Reason I Get Up In The Mourning They Other 10% Is Because I Have To Pee

[atomsk]

If Vodka Was Water And I Was Duck I'd Swim To The Bottom And Never Come Up But Vodkas Not Water And I'm Not A Duck So Swim So Slide Me A Bottle And Shut The Fuck Up

Sex Is Like Air Its Not Really That Important Until Ur Not Getting Any

Sex Is Like Math Add The Bed Subtract The Clothes Divide The Legs And Pray To God You Don't Multiply

Your 90% Of The Reason I Get Up In The Mourning They Other 10% Is Because I Have To Pee

lol @ these especially the first and last ones

i was kidnapped once, the kidnappers sent a piece of my finger to my family. they said they wanted more proof

[cutieB]

"Never leave your partner in a fire"(movie fireproof) its really good and has a great moral to it watch it if you have time.

[AkiTorrien]

"Now they know are new house as the New house with the dead flat mouse" ~ Jon From Jon and Kate plus 8

[shadow16]

Warning:
when you say BITE ME i consider that FOREPLAY

[AkiTorrien]

"I wish my first word was Quote so when I died I could say end quote"

[Zieghart]

"Why?" .... That's it...

[Silverleon]

If you can't beat the eat them! ~ Some fat guy.

[Guardgirl]

"You're broke.Your bestfriend is fucking your girlfriend. You know it, and you are too big a pussy to do anything about it" from the movie "Wanted"

"Your father was one of the greatest assassins who ever lived. The man who killed him is behind you." the movie "Wanted"

[analogZero]

If God Gives You Lemons,
You Find A New God.

I like the clone high version:

"when god gives you lemons, you clone those lemons and create super lemons"


"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it"
-mitch hedberg

[Mugen]

everything i say you disagree with- no i don't

[atomsk]

roses are #0000FF violets are #FF0000 and all my base are belong to you ~some guy on facebook

[AkiTorrien]

~[ Time to bring this back again!

(Heard this today on a show...god I love it)

"Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? Eighty-nine murders at the pig farm, the deaths of Mason and Lucas Turner make 91 lives snuffed out. Kelly Shane will go home and try to recover, to reconnect with her family but she'll never be a child again. William Hightower, who gave his leg for his country, gave the rest of himself to avenge his sister's murder. That makes 93 lives forever altered, not counting family and friends in a small town in Sarnia, Ontario, who thought monsters didn't exist until they learned that they spent their lives with one. And what about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss? How many more times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes, the day just... ends."


(AND YES this is not a one liner, I am just posting it because it is awesome and I needed to post it somewhere. I didn't want to make a thread just for this one quote)

[starscream]

Are your pants mirrors cause I can see myself in them

[Discerning]

" i live my life a quarter mile at a time. nothing else matters. not the shop or the crew and their problems. for those seven seconds or less... im free." - the fast and the furious.

This bastard quote has plagued the car scene since that movie came out...
Then there's: "DANGER TO MANIFOLD!" Then the floor falls out for no reason... RIGHT...
Lets not forget that Paul Walker drives around that car until it's blown up even though he's got blown manifolds and I guess Vin's feet are just dragging on the ground...
Even the seven seconds or less thing makes no sense, sevens are only a dream for anyone who doesn't plan on taking out a couple mortgages on their home. And even then they might only break 8's.
Sorry, those movies can get me worked up... Rant over! ^_^

Some of my favorites are from Transporter:
"I always say, the way a man treats his car is how he treats himself"

OR

Frank-"I'd like to do some site seeing"
Pilot--"This plane isn't for tourists"
Frank-[pulls out gun]
Frank-"I'm not a tourist"

OR

"You don't need your mouth to pee"

[~nekochan~]

"silence!! i'll kill you!"
-achmed the dead terrorist

"yes! i love coming to...sa-na-ta-ah-na........what the hell is that?!?!"
-peanut the puppet from Jeff Dunham the comedian

::D:

[DjKuato]

"Get the fuck up batter up your on deck, 2 hits i hit you, you hit the ground" donny donowitz aka "bear jew" -inglorious bastards greatest line ever

[abcman]

stranger stay away from my danger!