It's been a while

[stanmarsh]

It's been a while since a posted a poem so here you guys go

I Shot The Gun
I shot the gun but the bullet hits me
I left her but it feels like she left me
The Love I had was not shared
I wasnt ready I was unprepaired
She treated me terribly and it had to stop
Just like the hands on a broken clock
Thats just about it I know I'm pathetic
I'm far beyond any anesthetic

I wrote this in English this morning just wanted to share it...

[I'm a Bitch]

i loved it! :cute: you're really good

[stanmarsh]

Thank you thats my tenth...I think

[cutieB]

post more please i loved it yur awesome.

[AnimeAlice]

aww Stan! I love all your poems, :) I can relate to em.
You should become a professional poet, :D and make books of your poems.
^^ I'd buy ten of em.

[stanmarsh]

Lol Thats what I want to do when i get older, move to england and write poetry

[leoern]

GJ lane keep it up

[Anaximenes]

Although it's rather generic and feels unfinished, it as okay. You focus too much on making the poem rhyme thus making it sound like it was..how should I put this? ...forced.

Also, the lines She treated me terribly and it had to stop
Just like the hands on a broken clock

should read like this:

Just like the hands on a broken clock
She treated me terribly and it had to stop

But that's my opinion and I'm sure 99.9% of you all will disagree, with being the Internet, and all.