mellowguy
01-12-2009, 03:58 AM
I still do not know how to write short stories, but I tried anyway. If you could help me write this better, I would be most appreciative. Yes, I know it's short.
You Never Came Back
Mellowguy
I slipped on my shoes and lit the fire in the stove. You opened the safe. Half a ton of cold metal, but it holds so little nowadays. The house smells of wine and gunpowder. “Didn't I tell you not to come home with that smell ages ago?” I said. The air raid sirens bleated shrilly, and I stiffened.
The sunlight from the windows made shapes fall on you, reflecting off some coins in your hand. You held up the coins to me. I smiled; you smiled. The sirens stopped. There was a pause. Your arm drooped a bit, allowing some more sunlight onto your face. Your lines fell slowly into a frown, and I could feel my heart begin to race.
Suddenly, the sun's rays burned the dust in the air. The fire was burning you, the coins were melting. The window, our house was on fire, and I screamed.
Did you scream?
You were struggling to get up from against a safe newly forged. A wind blew against the window and through it- I felt stabs of pain in my arms and my face. The world was spinning; I could see the red sky. Pieces of our house were floating, as if stationary, while the rest of the world blurred around us. The air was pulled out of my lungs as I hit the wall, leaving me none with which to cry. I saw you. You still sat against the safe. You were blackened. Slowly, you reached up towards me. As your hand rose, the fingers fell away, one by one; You dissolved into the winds. As if in slow motion, the ashes rose into the clouded sky, and black rain began to fall.
Blurred images, a shining light, the desire to leave. Where are you?
I began to take a step when I realized that my foot reached towards the sky while my leg was pointed towards the ground. The air was still burning. Drops of black rain splattered around, hissing as they hit me. You were gone. Where are you? I crawled towards the safe. A glint in the burnt ground. The coins that had melted in your hand had formed one solid lump. I tried to pull myself upright; my intestines were spilled over my hips. I fell next to the coins, clutching at them. The clouds above twisted and churned; All I heard were the howling winds. Slowly, I traced your name into the sky.
Haruki.
Hiroshima, August 6, 1945
You Never Came Back
Mellowguy
I slipped on my shoes and lit the fire in the stove. You opened the safe. Half a ton of cold metal, but it holds so little nowadays. The house smells of wine and gunpowder. “Didn't I tell you not to come home with that smell ages ago?” I said. The air raid sirens bleated shrilly, and I stiffened.
The sunlight from the windows made shapes fall on you, reflecting off some coins in your hand. You held up the coins to me. I smiled; you smiled. The sirens stopped. There was a pause. Your arm drooped a bit, allowing some more sunlight onto your face. Your lines fell slowly into a frown, and I could feel my heart begin to race.
Suddenly, the sun's rays burned the dust in the air. The fire was burning you, the coins were melting. The window, our house was on fire, and I screamed.
Did you scream?
You were struggling to get up from against a safe newly forged. A wind blew against the window and through it- I felt stabs of pain in my arms and my face. The world was spinning; I could see the red sky. Pieces of our house were floating, as if stationary, while the rest of the world blurred around us. The air was pulled out of my lungs as I hit the wall, leaving me none with which to cry. I saw you. You still sat against the safe. You were blackened. Slowly, you reached up towards me. As your hand rose, the fingers fell away, one by one; You dissolved into the winds. As if in slow motion, the ashes rose into the clouded sky, and black rain began to fall.
Blurred images, a shining light, the desire to leave. Where are you?
I began to take a step when I realized that my foot reached towards the sky while my leg was pointed towards the ground. The air was still burning. Drops of black rain splattered around, hissing as they hit me. You were gone. Where are you? I crawled towards the safe. A glint in the burnt ground. The coins that had melted in your hand had formed one solid lump. I tried to pull myself upright; my intestines were spilled over my hips. I fell next to the coins, clutching at them. The clouds above twisted and churned; All I heard were the howling winds. Slowly, I traced your name into the sky.
Haruki.
Hiroshima, August 6, 1945